Hippie In Bloom

In Response: 10 Tips For Twenty Something Transformation

2009-06-19T22:18:00.000-07:00

I am 21 years old. I'll be 22 in November. I don't know if I really qualify as a 20-something since I've only hit my second decade of life two years ago. But I do know that after living with college freshmen (17 - 19 year olds) for 9 months, it doesn't matter if you're 21 or 28 - there is a very clear discrepancy between the teens and the 20-somethings.

Christine Hassler of the Huffington Post wrote an interesting post a couple of days ago called "10 Tips for 20 Something Transformation."

Reading the article was interesting because it felt like she wasn't really saying anything new.

Make choices, Stop Comparing, Make Mistakes.

Yet at the same time, there was something about those words being reinforced by someone else in a simple list format that was both intriguing and powerful for me. Also, although she specifically refers to 20-somethings, this list really could apply to anyone in any part of their life.

I suggest you go to the article if you want to see her full list, but here are a few tips that she had that I want to respond to.

Be present - So simple and so true. You know, as college students and post-college 'adults', I feel like we throw this phrase around a lot, but how many of us truly understand what it means to "be present"? Honestly, not many of us. Just as Hassler says, we concentrate so much on where we're going and with whom. I know I do that. But I'm also trying to change my thinking in acknowledging that when I am truly present and observe how I react to things, life will unfold itself the way it is meant to.

Tune in - YES! Please listen to your intuition! Intuition gets overlooked so often... Listening to your brain - cool. Listening to your heart - cool. Listening to your intuition - awesome.

Build Your Tribe - Note: "Facebook will not nourish your soul" - Hassler. Amen. When we enter college, we're sort of spoiled in that our tribe is made for us. We walk into a preassigned dorm and told that they are family for the next nine months. The rest of college continues sort of similarly as we create tribes with every new living situation. But as time passes, we learn who we want in our tribe, who we don't, who helps us evolve, and who stunts our growth with negative energy. I know much of where I am today is because of my tribe and there is nothing more important than our human (face-to-face!) relationships.

Again, the tips that Hassler point out are by no means exclusive to 20-somethings. But being 20-something and being surrounded by 20-somethings, it might be appropriate that she targets us specifically - I find that we are more easily thrown off balance at this time in life because it seems that what we see, what we believe, and what we know are in constant argument with each other. Thank you, ego.

I showed Hassler's post to a friend and she quickly exclaimed that she was going to print the list out and post it on her wall. Not a bad idea. Hassler's post should be a reminder to us all that life continues, our surroundings change, we adapt, and we keep moving. But we must live the experience moment by moment.

Before I end this post, a couple tips of my own.

Smile and Laugh - Please laugh. Laugh at yourself, laugh with your friends, laugh when you are having fun. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile, so what's stopping you?

Breathe - I would say meditate as well. Go somewhere calming with no distraction, and just breathe in and out. Listen to your breathing, clear your mind, and just be.

Have a lovely weekend everyone! Much love and take care

4 Phone Calls - "I'm Sorry," "I Forgive You," "I Love You," and "Thank you"

2009-06-18T14:05:00.000-07:00

We have a program in our dorm where we spotlight three residents and basically bombard them with questions for an hour. What happens is three people sit on a couch, each give a one to two minute summary of the basics in their lives (family, hometown, major, etc.) and then the rest of the hour is open to the rest of the dorm to ask them any question they would like. Some of our favorites include: Most embarrassing moment, When did you become cool?, and Favorite college moment.

Today, a resident raised her hand and in a shy but confident voice, asked:

If you could make four phone calls to say one of the four phrases "I'm sorry," "I forgive you," "I love you," and "thank you," who would you call?

What a simple but thought provoking question!

I think these might be my answers:

I'm Sorry - I would call my parents, not because I was a rebellious teenager or I don't think I've lived up to their expectations, but I would say sorry for all of the times that I withheld what I truly felt from them. I have a tendency to keep my thoughts, my beliefs, and my opinions to myself for fear of causing chaos, argument, or negative energy. Thus my parents were kept a part from a lot of what I was feeling and thinking as I was growing up. This was especially true when they separated and soon after divorced. So I would tell them I'm sorry for not being open and not sharing what I feel when I'm sure what they needed most was for their daughter to share how she felt.

I Forgive You - I would call my two friends from High School who stopped speaking to me after I was accepted to the university I currently attend. They had both applied and were both denied and for some reason that gave them reason to call me names behind my back and to not like me. I was angered by their actions and couldn't understand what I had done wrong to deserve such treatment. But I forgive them. I forgive them for calling me names and I forgive them for not knowing any other way to express how they felt. So the next time I am in the same room with them, instead of walking the other way, I will meet them and smile and say hello, because I forgive them.

I Love You - I would call my best friend whom I've known for the past two years, and tell him that I love him. I love him for pushing me past my limits but also being there whenever I needed to lean on someone. He is a beautiful soul that is still rough around the edges, but is growing and evolving into who he wants to be, and all the while, he is there for me.

Thank You - I would call my grandmother. She passed a couple of years ago, and I used to believe that I was her least favorite grandchild. She was stubborn, hard headed, and selfish, and had a celebrity complex that made her think that she could do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. But in truth, she was the only person who knew how to live freely and in the moment and was always happy, and I regret that I didn't realize this until she passed. So I would say thank you to my grandmother for always reminding me to live in the present and not be afraid to pursue what I love.

Who would you call, and why?

And more importantly, a question to you as well as myself - why aren't you calling them right now?

Thelma Aoyama

2009-03-29T20:09:00.000-07:00

A new single from my good friend Thelma Aoyama.
You go, girl.

Thelma Aoyama - Todo Ketai

and of course some Kina Grannis

Deepak Chopra - Love and Intent

2009-02-24T21:59:00.000-08:00

What is Happiness?

2009-02-24T09:44:00.001-08:00

Question:

What’s the meaning of happiness?

Genpo Roshi :

In my experience there are two types of happiness. The first is conditional, it depends on conditions and circumstances. It is relative happiness. This means that we are happy when the situation is such that we feel good about it and that it brings us joy and happiness. It is fleeting, and always transient. It comes and goes. It is not permanent.

There is a second kind of happiness, which is unconditional and not dependent on circumstances. It is joy and happiness that is always present, when we are in the here and now, in the present. It is absolute, not dependent on either circumstances or conditions. No matter what the situation, whether it is seemingly good or bad, in hard times or easy times, we are in a state of joy and happiness. This only happens when we are in touch with our true self, the one that is ever-present and yet difficult to tap into or access.

For example, suppose I ask to speak to the one who has been damaged, hurt, even broken, the one we are all more or less identified as. This would be our everyday mind or everyday self. It often feels mistreated, hurt, disappointed, upset about circumstances and how others are treating the self. Often it sees itself as a victim unable to cope with life, or at best having a difficult time. Happiness comes in fleeting moments when conditions are more or less perfect and they happen to be conducive to it.

So if I were to ask to speak to the immature voice of the limited conditioned self, or damaged self, this voice might say things like:

“I feel like the world conspires against me, like I have been beaten down since birth and even in the womb. I feel like I had no choice but to be born in this life. I am not sure why I am here, what my purpose is, or what the meaning of life is. I am searching and seeking for happiness, for joy, for a better life. I am seeking truth, enlightenment, liberation, peace of mind, etc. I can’t seem to grasp it or find it, which only increases the damage and makes me feel more frustrated. It is a constant effort, and I only succeed in becoming more exhausted and less happy. In fact the more I seek after happiness the more it seems to elude me”

If I then want to speak not only to the immature but also the unhealthy damaged self, I would ask, Why are you unhealthy?

This voice might respond: “I am unhealthy because I am immature, I am green, I am young. I see the world as something outside me and I feel like a victim of life. This causes me depression and anxiety, which stem from fear. The fear comes from the feeling of separation from the world and from others, even of being disconnected from my own feelings and emotions. This creates in me a sense of alienation and dissatisfaction. Because I am the unhealthy and immature damaged self, I can even create major diseases, long-term feelings of depression, severe cases of anxiety and all-around poor health.”

Next, I would like to speak to the disowned damaged self. Why are you disowned?

“I am disowned because the self disowns me and therefore I don’t really know who I am. I have no role. He keeps me hidden, suppressed. He is in denial about my very existence, pretends everything is OK, and that there is nothing wrong or lacking. I don’t feel that I have any position, that I’m honored, respected, included, embraced. In fact, in order for me to come out or to act, I have to do it in covert ways. I have to seek attention, I have to look to others for sympathy, confirmation and acknowledgement. I’m constantly trying to be liked, be accepted, to be welcome. I feel like a child who has been put in the basement, and has no place in the home, can’t go out and play with the other kids, can’t use the TV, the refrigerator, play in the living room. I don't feel at home”

So, if you were owned, how would you contribute to the self, what would you offer the self?

“Well, if I were owned I guess I could do my job with some dignity. I could take the damage, I could take the abuse, I could take the rejections, the feelings of abandonment. I could take the insults, I could take the blows, and I would do it with joy, with happiness, because it’s my job. And if I felt respected and appreciated, then I could really do this for him for the rest of his life without complaint, without bitching, without feeling angry about all the damage that others and he the self have caused me.”

If you’re the damaged self, whether you be immature, unhealthy, or disowned, there must be a self that is undamaged, that has never been damaged. Would you now allow me to speak to this undamaged, true self?

“I am the undamaged true self. As the undamaged true self, I’ve never been hurt, I’ve never been affected by anything. I am untouched and unharmed. I am pure awareness, witnessing and observing life as it goes on. I’m like a clear, vast sky, undamaged, unaffected, never been hurt or abused. I am whole, perfect, and complete. I am unborn and undying. I am limitless, timeless. I am fearless. I am not seeking anything, I have no desires, I am happy, content, fulfilled, and joyous. I am nirvana. I am complete and whole just as I am, and I see everything as complete and whole just as it is. There’s nothing lacking, nothing in excess, nothing missing. Everything is just perfect as it is, everything is the result of cause and effect, just emerging. In fact, there really is no cause and effect. Everything is just what it is.”

Well, if you are both the damaged self and the undamaged self and yet transcend them both, let’s imagine a triangle outlining your physical being, sitting in the lotus position. Sitting here, let’s call the left side, like the left brain, the human side, the side that takes all the blows, is damaged, is limited, is the one that is born and dies, experiences suffering, old age, etc. Then the right side, the undamaged true self, is the side of being-ness, the side that is pure awareness, pure now-ness, I am-ness. Let me now speak to the apex of this triangle, the one that embraces and includes the left and right sides of the triangle, includes and transcends and embraces these two, and has no preference for one over the other, the damaged self over the undamaged self, or the limited self over the true self, and no judgement of either being superior or inferior. Let me speak to the apex.

“I am the apex. I am the true human being. I embrace all the human conditions and qualities as well as the being-ness, pure awareness, timelessness, spaciousness. I include both extremes, the damaged self and the undamaged self. I am both and yet neither.”

So, say something as this apex, this one who consciously chooses to be a human being.

“Well sometimes I am happy and content, I am fulfilled. Sometimes I experience sadness and grief, I feel hurt, I feel pain, I suffer. And yet there’s always one who is not suffering, who is not in pain, who has no fear, who is beyond all of these conditions, who is unconditionally happy and fulfilled and joyous. There is tremendous space and freedom to just be what I am.”

Question:

Everyone is looking for happiness, where can they find it?

Genpo Roshi:

First of all if we’re looking and seeking, we’re not going to find it. It is only when we stop seeking happiness that happiness is ever present. The only place to find true happiness is when we are aware and awakened to our true nature, which is beyond the conditional, which includes and embraces conditional happiness, but also transcends it to a place of awareness, of unconditional happiness and joy.

Question:

Is it necessary to find happiness? What’s your opinion?

Genpo Roshi:

Only if you want to be happy. If we want to be happy and joyful and appreciate our life to the fullest and live life to the optimum, then we must discover the non-seeking mind, the one that has nothing further to seek and is always happy content and fulfilled. I might say I have never met a happy person doing mean things, I’ve only met unhappy people doing mean things. If you don’t want happiness, then it’s not necessary to find it. It is possible to just be happiness.

Taken from the Winter Edition of the Dutch Magazine Happinez.

en Master Genpo Roshi founded the Kanzeon Sangha, an international Zen community in 1984, with groups and centers throughout Europe and the U.S., and is abbot of Big Mind Western Zen Center in Salt Lake City, Utah, which he founded in 1993. He discovered the Big Mind process in 1999. His newest book is Big Mind Big Heart: Finding Your Way. www.bigmind.org

Oops

2009-01-26T12:32:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a while. Oops.

Here's an interesting article: What Do Women Want?

Fuck me, hell if I know.

So my new years resolution was to blog more.

I'm going to have to work on this one.

Obma pt. 2

2008-11-05T08:41:00.000-08:00

Obama... wow.

OBAMA

2008-11-04T21:34:00.000-08:00

Barack Obama and Joe Biden for President and Vice President.

11.4.2008

Welcome to a new United States of America.

Change Has Come to America

Politics...

2008-11-04T00:25:00.000-08:00

Election day tomorrow!
(or today depending on what time my post posts...)

I don't know. I felt like I should just note it.
I'm still debating as to whether i want to vote.

if that indecision makes me a bad american citizen, then so be it.

I am just as much an American citizen as I am a Japanese citizen as I am a Stanford student as I am a god. that made sense to me, so shush.

Can we just take a moment to realize that tomorrow, the world will be a very different place?

Nov. 4, 2008. Wow.

bjs

The Heart

2008-10-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

My heart is heavy.

It's in pain, but the rest of my body is doing a good job of pushing it to the side and locking it up in the back.

So my heart is heavy, but not as heavy as it could be. It is what it is.

I Will Go Until My Heart Stops by *BatDesignz on deviant ART

Meredith Monk

2008-10-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

Weird, modern, contemporary art... but amazing music. absolutely amazing.

Blog Schmog

2008-10-14T20:56:00.000-07:00

I was so good at keeping up with this over the summer (mostly because I had nothing else to do at work) but I've slowly faded from this thing.

I will not let this happen.

That said, can I just say how cool it is that I'm doing a project on Digg.com?

This is when I'm happy that I'm a Comm major.

Things have been going relatively well lately - which is excellent.

The wonderful thing about being an RA in an all Frosh dorm is that you're marveled at for everything and anything you do. Seriously. Want a self-esteem boost? Be an RA.

At the same time though, they watch every single move you make. This means if you even thought about bringing a member of the opposite gender home, not to do anything, just to hang out, you'll immediately hear whispers and giggles outside of your door.

But i think that also has to do with the fact that I live on an all girl's floor with 30 some girls. For a person like me who's grown up with boys, it's a trip, let me tell you. I'm learning a lot about my own gender. Odd, isn't it? It's also a weird excuse to me inexplicably girly - I didn't know that I was capable of it.

I missed a lecture today on nonverbal communication. Instead, I listened to my best friend talk me through how he's fed up with the pre-med track. He's done with taking classes where material won't be used when he becomes a doctor, and anyways, he'd rather go into health policy instead of being a doctor. He just felt that having a background in basic medicine through med school would be better.

Personally, he'd make a better lawyer.

I told him that.

He freaked out cuz that's exactly what his guru/shaman lady back home said.

I want a guru/shaman lady.

I've also been slacking on meditation and reading lately. I've been reading, but for class. I've been reading about nonverbal communication and how women are better at picking up subtle nonverbal cues than men. No shit. That's also a reason why I decided not to go to lecture. Sitting for 1.25 hours and listening to my prof about what nonverbal cues mean what was not as attractive as listening to my best friend go through a turning point in is life.

fo shiz.

Okay. I have to read about sex in the media now.

Oh Comm majors.

But before I go.

I'm obsessed with this new song by kina. I don't even know why. But it's been on repeat.

Off to Full Moon On The Quad to watch my freshmen kiss random strangers! holla

Video Blog 4!

2008-10-01T15:13:00.000-07:00

Video Blog 4!

HOLLA!

love you all
bjs

Friends in the Music Business

2008-09-29T16:04:00.000-07:00

I have two friends in the music business.

One is a BIG hit. The other is sort of underground, but still working on her stuff.

It's just odd.

Well, not it's not odd. I'm very proud of these girls. It's just interesting because I used to see them at school every single day. I used to help them in choir. And now their doing tours around the country, traveling to foreign countries, and are achieving top rankings in all of the pop hit charts.

It makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life.

Which is kind of stupid, because what they want to do in life and what I want to do in life is very different. As much as becoming a singer may seem like a fun and interesting career path, I have no strong desire to do so. I just don't.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that these people have found what they want to do, and are being successful at it.

Well, success is a relative term - I realize.

I guess success and happiness comes at different times for different people. That's just the way things work and I just have to accept it I suppose.

Hm...

bjs

Academia on Blogging

2008-09-24T09:41:00.000-07:00

I'm reading an article on blogging. This is very interesting.

Actually, I'm not reading an article, it's more like... a 100 page academic journal on the new uses of media and the way we abuse it.

That's also not true.

The reason why I'm talking about this is because I thought it is interesting that there is finally literature and academic papers written on the nature of blogging and bloggers. All these things that weren't defined until recently are now defined and taught at universities. it's a weird phenomenon.

I suppose it's not a phenomenon. It's just one of those things. Like when academic papers were written about TV and how that was going to revolutionize life, the internet is slowly doing the same.

I realize it's been too long since I updated.

With Frosh orientation and little kids running around and going to class, I don't have as much time. That said, I need to do a vlog.

Also.

I've been waiting for her to do this song!

hm... what else.

Updated book list later.

But right now I'm reading...

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz.

Hollah.

bjs

Boats and Birds - Kina!

2008-09-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh, the reasons why I wake up on Monday. Well at least one of the reasons.

The lovely Kina Grannis has updated her blog with my summer song - Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawk. Huzzah!

but before that...

I'm back at school. I need to get a vlog up. I also need to unpack. I also need to go buy a new nose pierce and ahhhh... lots to do.

But enough of me complaining. I'll post this and go get some coffee

have a lovely week

bjs

Reading, End of Work, and Then Some.

2008-08-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

In 4 hours, I will officially be done with work.

How excellent.

I spent nine week, five days a week, for 8.5 hours in an office doing random shinanigans. And today is my last day.

I had some hella good tempura at some small store that only sits 12 people called Ten-Asa and now I feel like a beached whale. No, that's a lie. I don't quite feel like that, but close enough, I suppose. Nonetheless, I'm full, sleepy, just finished another book, and it is officially 1:30 pm, which means really, in four hours, I will be outta here.

That also means that in less than a week, I will be back in California.

My gosh, this summer went by quickly.

Speaking of quick summers, I think it's about time to update ye ol' reading list again.

(sorry, I'm feeling rather British right now on the account that I've just finished a book written by a Brit)

Ze Ol' Reading List

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
A New Earth by Eckharte Tolle
Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger
The Path of Love by Deepak Chopra
Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Olivier Relin
Freakanomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
If The Show Fits by Stephanie Rowe
Marriage By Design by Lynn Michaels
The Teachings of Don Juanby Carlos Castaneda
Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? by Beverly Daniel Tatum
Babyville by Jane Green

The once-i-get-back-to-stanford list

One Hundred Demons by Lynda Barry
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
Drinking Coffee Elsewhere by ZZ Packer

And now I'm super, super sleepy.

But I should clean my desk.

Gah.

bjs

Is Michael Phelps a Douche?

2008-08-21T00:29:00.000-07:00

Found via my new time waster, digg.com

Is Michael Phelps a Douche?

So to be honest, I haven't been in the US during this Phelps fever, as I am currently basking in Japan under the heat of another noteworthy swimmer, Kitajima.

That said, however, just like Blagg mentioned, I don't want to sound un-patriotic, but really... 8 Gold Medals, what could possibly be going through this guy's head!? I'm sure he can't help that he keeps getting offers to go on TV, but man. *shakes head*

I have a problem with cocky people. I really do. Not to say that I'm not cocky myself, but cocky people piss me off.

Also, Phelps in all of those photos just look plain awkward. it's actually rather unfortunate.

And while we're speaking of cocky athletes of Beijin 2008, what a about the Jamaican runner, Usain Bolt. See attached article from the NYTimes.

I really didn't like how he ended the 100 meter race. The last 10 meters, he ran as if the whole race was a joke! Think about all of those people who trained for four years. I realize he's good, and fast, and that's why he can do that, but have some damn respect, man!

That said, can I run that quickly in the 100 meter dash or win 8 gold medals? No.

But I'm glad SOMEONE is talking about the (possibly) cocky attitude of these Olympians!

bjs

Shakespeare <3s Snoop Dogg

2008-08-20T20:49:00.000-07:00

These are the times when I question my humor.

I would love this shirt

Find out more about this design: Elizabethan Homies

bjs

Done With Work!... Kind of...

2008-08-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

Yay!

I just turned in my 50 page website analysis that consumed by life (not really) for the past 8.5 weeks at work. The response I got was so-so, as in, my boss wasn't jumping up and down for joy (perhaps because it took me so long to finish) but she seemed to have positive vibes from it. She also said she was going to read it - that, I highly doubt.

Nonetheless, this means all big projects for works is done, and all I need to do now and proofread the random documents they send me and make sure that there are no silly mistakes. And that will conclude my 9 week internship at one of the top 10 international law firms in America.

chan chan.

Otherwise...

I had a very fulfilling summer.

I actually didn't think I'd enjoy my summer this much (how much? this much). I mean, I knew it would be fun but I didn't think it will be this great of a summer.

Honestly, I didn't do much, in terms of 'summery' things. I went out a few times, watched Batman, met up with friends, spent lots of quality time with family, and did a lot of talking and writing.

I realized that in the past year, as much as I thought I was being myself, there was a part of me that was lost. I'm not quite sure what 'part' that really is. But when I got back to Japan and did some talking with friends and family, I realized that I was missing something.

My sense of self.

This isn't in the sense of "no self confidence." It's more like... well...

When I got to college, 90% of the fun came from the fact that I could just be myself without the same judgement that came with HS. In HS, I was 'myself' in a sense because that was the only 'me' I knew, but I was definitely putting on a facade of the "good grades, class president, renaissance" persona. And I was fine with it.

But once I got to college, I got to really explore "me."

And then this past year, I was still "me," but I was catering to people's needs. I was slowly going back to my patterns in HS where I did things for people in the way they'd want me to do it. I said things that I knew would make people happy, and I didn't say things when they should've been said.

This is not the 'me' I discovered Freshman year.

So.

Since I know what the problem is/was, I'm ready for it this time.

I reestablished my idea of what a 'family' is.
I closed some doors with a relationship that needed to be closed.
I did some good talking with some good people who are brutally honest but amazing all at the same time.
I will be leaving for my Junior year with some sadness of leaving my family (something that hasn't happened in 4 years) and read to be 'me' again, pumped to have 94 babies who will look up to me and think that I'm cool.

Just think: What would Adriana do?

As Nikki so plainly put it: our lives are JUST starting.

Amen, sister.

I am pumped for the end of the work week, pumped to pack and spend more quality time with family, and pumped for this year.

This summer was - amazing.

bjs

Shout out from KINA!

2008-08-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

WOOOOOOAH!

I got a shout out type thing from Kina. Like so:

undefined Says:

August 11th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
*OOPS!* this is kina, not anonymous. sorry about that.

@thomas_in_taipei
no… its not too normal to walk around singing in the streets here… haha, we got some weird looks.
@blew
we’re in santa monica :)
@cassie
welcome!! i hope to get to oahu or japan someday!!
@becki
squirrel fishing!? fun!!
@andy
aw, you’ve been missed. i hope you’re doing well.

WOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! This is so cool. Love it.

That just made my day.

Please visit Kina's Blog and support this amazing artist!

bjs

The Imperial Death March

2008-08-14T17:40:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I hadn't expected much from this summer.

Lo and behold, it had exceeded my expectations. Too many moments to mention all in one post, but I felt I should share some.

I went to dinner the other night with three of my friends: (N), (K), and (J).

My friend, (N), was telling a story about a mutual friend of all of ours who apparently has had his share of interesting roommates. So she goes on to tell a story about one of them and she goes,

(N): yeah, I guess his roommate was getting it on and of course he can hear it... but more interestingly, guess what song they were having sex to?

At this point (K), (J), and I all leaned in ready for the punch line.

(N): The Imperial Death March!

She did not fail us.

(K) and (J) both look at each other, and the next moment of one of them starts singing The Imperial Death March while the other chimes in with "I am your father..."

Perhaps a twist on the common phrase: Who's your daddy?

We continued the conversation and decided that this was, indeed, every boy's fantasy: to have sex to the Imperial Death March with a girl dressed up as Princess Leah circa Star Wars 5 a la Jabba the Hut.

I am personally an Obi Wan Fan.

Later, (J) asks (K):

(J): Yo! what was that weird dream you had? You wrote it on our facebook thread and then didn't follow up.
(K): oh yeah... Well i thought it was cool then, but maybe not any more.
(J): C'mon man.
(K): okay... So I had this dream that I was being chased by Aliens. Like the ones from Aliens vs. Predators
(N)+(C): And?
(K): That's it.

Another moment from our good friend, (K).

A few nights back, (J) suddenly expressed to (N) how he wanted to go to a Foam Party - a frat party normality.

(K) proceeds to join in and exclaim how he, too, wants to have a 'Phone Party.'

A phone party?

(J) and (N) went along with him, thinking it was funny, and kept talking about how great a Phone Party would be.

It has been a week since that incident.

(K) still does not realize that a Foam Party does not equal a Phone Party, and that Phone Parties, do not exist. Well perhaps they do, in the form of a conference call.

I will miss these three.

bjs

Tokyo Graffiti

2008-08-14T01:23:00.000-07:00

My Cousin introduced to the most interesting and amazing magazine of all time.

I would share it with you, but it doesn't have a great website.

No, it's more like... it's so artsy fartsy and hidden that they don't show much on the website.

But it's an amazing magazine - one that I didn't know that Japan was capable of.

This magazine makes me excited to go home and read.

And now, I might embark on the biggest adventure yet.

I'm excited.

Scared.

But excited, and so incredibly pumped.

bjs

I Hear... Wedding Bells!

2008-08-12T23:41:00.000-07:00

Yes, I hear wedding bells.

But not for me.

i know, *phew* right?

i was doing a 360 in my social circle and realized that many of my friends/people i know are beginning to get engaged or married.

Well, I guess if you think about it, I will turn 21 soon. And the US of A is a community where marriage at 19 is not a weird thing. Soon enough, the wedding invitations will start pouring in...

That said, I'm excited for all those people getting married. Hey, if you can find that someone, then by all means, grab 'em before they disappear.

But personally, I'm a bit too young still.

Marriage, in theory, is a life time commitment. Except now, it's hard to tell what it really is. It also depends on whether you get married as christians, muslims, jews, hindus, shintos, etc. But technically, marriage is a life time commitment. Can I really commit that much to one person?

Honestly, yes.

But my family history points to - no.

I'm not saying that because lots of poeple on my mother's side of the family are divorced, it means that i'm going to have the same fate. The aunt and uncle that i live with right now are HS sweethearts. Thus, they don't assume that their kids (my cousins) will break up with their bf/gf right now, cuz they can speak from personal experience that it is very possible.

Marrying my HS bf is most likely not going to happen.

However, think about it - a life time commitment to one person. What does that mean? i don't even know...

If I got married in the next 2 years...

Meh. I don't think i want to even go there.

bjs

Kina and Books!

2008-08-11T18:26:00.000-07:00

First of all...

AHHHH! This new Kina and David Choi Collabo is so cute! big fan, big fan.

i could go on and on, but instead, i'm going to let you see you for yourself. click the youtube.

YAY! So cute!

that said.

Books List Updated... AGAIN. what can I say, i'm a hard core reader this summer. and it's been AMAZING.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
A New Earth by Eckharte Tolle
Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger
The Path of Love by Deepak Chopra
Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Olivier Relin
Freakanomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
If The Show Fits by Stephanie Rowe
Marriage By Design by Lynn Michaels
~~The Teachings of Don Juan~~ by Carlos Castaneda ( this is only half a strike out cuz i'm not done with part two. but it's too intense, so i have to do it in parts)
Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? by Beverly Daniel Tatum
One Hundred Demons by Lynda Barry
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
Drinking Coffee Elsewhere by ZZ Packer

That's it for now.

1.5 more week of work left, and then some major packing and I'm back to Stanford. HOLLA!

bjs

Video Blog 3 --> CHANGE in URL

2008-08-10T06:54:00.000-07:00

Video Blog #3, yo!

but first.

DOMAIN NAME CHANGE

my blog is now under the url: http://hippieinbloom.blogspot.com

SO...

~~maluhiauhane.blogspot.com~~

but instead

hippieinbloom.blogspot.com

same blog, different url.

cool!

now video blog!

Updated Reading List and Random Musings of the Start of August

2008-08-03T19:20:00.000-07:00

Happy August, friends!

Reading List, updated :D I've semi-finished Don Juan. It's too intense, I have to do it in two parts. i have 50 pages or so left - the analysis. But i finished another book first. oops.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
A New Earth by Eckharte Tolle
Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger
The Path of Love by Deepak Chopra
Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Olivier Relin
Freakanomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
If The Show Fits by Stephanie Rowe
Marriage By Design by Lynn Michaels
Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? by Beverly Daniel Tatum
The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda
One Hundred Demons by Lynda Barry
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
Drinking Coffee Elsewhere by ZZ Packer

So I thought this would be my first August post, but it wasn't. oops. oh well.

Frolicked in the woods this weekend. It was nice to breathe some fresh air for once. And I also got to go to the onsen and introduce my cousin to ethnic clothing. haha. He has debuted in his "thai pants." I'm so proud.

So if today is the 4th, that means I have... 24 days, almost exactly 3 weeks, left until I go back to school. I'm having mixed feelings. I'm really looking forward to this next year. I get to be an RA - finally - after wanting to be one since senior year of HS. But it also means leaving this fabrication that I call 'home' that I hadn't felt so comfortable in forever. I still don't like holidays, don't get me wrong. It's just a bummer that this 'home' that I can feel 'at home' at is 8 hours and 2000 dollars from Stanford. Damn it.

Oh well. The best I can do now is try to thoroughly enjoy the three weeks I have left, do those things that I need to do, and go back to Stanny with a fresh mind, fresh body, and the self-confidence and willingness to do things. I am going to remember who I am as 'I' and not in relation to other people. It will be good. I sense good things. It will be marvelous.

bjs

rioN - Updated!

2008-08-01T01:26:00.000-07:00

Bom Dia! (not really, cuz it's not morning)

Check out the new and improved, digg-able, media-infused music and tech blog!

rioN

and for some silly fun --> Click Here

Out of town for the weekends homies, see you on monday

bjs

Don Juan or the X-Files?

2008-07-31T00:02:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who thoroughly enjoyed The Teachings of Don Juan. If you look at my left margin, you will see that that is the book I'm currently reading.

He enjoyed Don Juan. Currently, however - I am not. "Not enjoying" is probably not the most accurate way to describe my feelings about the book. I am about 3/4 the way through the book. I'm almost done with his accounts of his first years with Don Juan, and I have the analysis left to read.

It's not like I'm not enjoying the book. There are moments of the book that I enjoy more than others.

What I Enjoy: Don Juan's views about enemies of man and his responses to Castaneda's questions.

Don Juan talks about how there are four enemies of man - Fear, Clarity, Power, and Old Age. These all make very good sense to me and I think they are relatively accurate. We fear things, but once we get over that fear, we have a sudden sense of clarity. We realize that our fear is not one that should control our lives, and the fear comes from uncertainty. But once that clarity is attained, we get the false sense that we are powerful, thus the third enemy of man. We feel that we've conquered fear, and attained a sense of clarity, but then with clarity we don't know what to do with it. Too much clarity will have the opposite effect, so we must overcome it and become powerful. But what none of us can ever escape is Old Age. To overcome old age? I don't know. Become wise?

I also like Don Juan's answers to Castaneda's questions. They usually involve silnce with a pensive look, laughing at him his eyes ask Castenda "what the fuck are you talking about?" and actual answers.

What I Have a Hard Time With: Castaneda's questions and the X-File, Drug-enhanced hallucinations.

I realize that Castaneda is asking questions because he's an academic and wants to 'understand' what is going on around him in a tangible manner, but man, sometimes he just needs to SHUT UP. His questions sound so elementary sometimes. He has a hard time just accepting the experience as it is, and try to understand what happened to him. Sometimes, it's good to answer questions - like when he's making a new concoction of something or where they are going to go. Sometimes, he just needs to shut it.

Also, the X-Files things. So the reason I can stand this book is because Don Juan has some good things to say. The parts that lose me are when Castaneda goes into his hallucination stages. He smokes, takes peyote, drinks/eats/rubs the devil's weed, and he is sent to who knows where. Is it another world? Is it this world but a different reality? Is it his alternate or parallele universe? I have yet to figure that out, partly because I am losing my patience with this book - thought I plan to finish it no matter what.

I believe that he can 'fly' and do all that under the influences of those strong plants/drugs/things that Don Juan tells him to eat/drink/rub. Sometimes it gets kind of X-Files-y though. Maybe it's the way that Castaneda describes them. I'm just waiting for the X-Files BGM to start. I really think it's the way Castaneda describes his experiences. And then I just lose it when he starts his incessant questions. I can feel Don Juan's annoyance and fight to be patience, even through the pages of events that supposedly happened almost fifty years ago.

That said.

I don't doubt that there are people like Don Juan in this world. I also don't doubt that there are various plants, concoctions, and such that will allow people to have experiences like that of Castaneda. I was always interseted in Native American Shamans and medicine. I just like that sort of culture from the beginning. And I would love to meet my own Don Juan - though I don't think I would go through everything that Castaneda went through.

So I think this is what it comes down to - I just have a hard time with Castaneda himself and his writing style. Afterall, after his books, he disappeared for decades and then was reported to hav been living in some mansion in California with three of his 'followers' (or lovers, if you prefer that interpretation) that have been called "the Witches." They were also forced to change their names. I don't know about this Castaneda character. If i can stand it, I'll have to read more of his books. If not, I'm going to have to do some research on him so I can get a better understanding fo who he is and give him a more objective (subjective?) view...

I never really liked adventure books featuring boys anyways. The only one I've actually liked is The Alchemist.

I really think that's what it is.

Now I must finish the book.

bjs. Happy reading.

Don Juan and Marathons

2008-07-29T17:53:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda right now... I can't get into it.

I keep reading it as an account of a drugged up youth in the 60s who encountered some really strong drugs thanks to an old Native American Shaman. I'm trying to be open minded. I am open minded, and I plan to finish the book no matter what. That doesn't mean I'm going to enjoy it though.

It's like, if you aren't going to enjoy the book, then don't read it. I agree. But this particular book, I feel, needs a chance. I need to give it a chance and read it through. Maybe I'll have to read it again sometime later, but for now... dang.

I can read Deepak, I can read Eckhart, I can listen to Ken Wilber. Sure, Castaneda is not on the same level as those three, but since this book and those three ... people (?) were introduced to me around the same time, I kind of want to compare just for the sake of comparing them. I can deal with spiritual ideas. I have a hard time with drug enduced hallucinations, especially if the author later on went to start his own cult with "three witches" (his three lovers) whom were forced to change their name to live with him.

Again, I'm giving it a chance. I'm giving it my attention, my patience, and my open mind, but this one is extremely hard. I considered that maybe I just wasn't learned enough to understand it. I'm starting to think, however, that it isn't so much being learned or not, but just like how some foods are delicious to some and harder to eat for others, Don Juan just might be my green pepper - not horrible, I can eat it, and at times it's even good, but I still have a difficult time with it.

That said...

Maybe I'll start training for a non-existent marathon. I think I need a goal like that. I can't do it here, but when I get back to the Farm, I'll find something, especially since I've broken up temporarily from Vball and Bball, I need to do something that forces me to move my body...

I'll think about it. It might be good.

Updated List

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
A New Earth by Eckharte Tolle
Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger
The Path of Love by Deepak Chopra
Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Olivier Relin
Freakanomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda
Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? by Beverly Daniel Tatum
One Hundred Demons by Lynda Barry
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
Drinking Coffee Elsewhere by ZZ Packer

The last three books are not in my possession yet, I'm quickly running out of things to read, even after I added two books that weren't originally in my list (CHW + Freak). Don Juan will take me a while, no doubt. I could only read 20 pages on the train this morning - I can usually do 30 to 40 pages. I'll still run out of things to read.

*sigh*

bjs

Reading Green Tags... ?

2008-07-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

This article is a very interesting one. To be honest, I haven't read the whole article yet. I will, eventually, but just the first few paragraphs is interesting enough.

I think the reason why this is so interesting to me is because I'm was a huge internet user until this summer. Now, I use the internet just as much, but I'm spending all the time I use studying for school during the school year, for reading. That's the only way I have been able to finish seven books in the last five weeks.

Some of my best writing since 2003 has been in the form of blogging and my journal as a .doc (I don't like hand writing, especially when it involves typing the same speed my brain operates - fast). And sometimes, where I find books is online, so in that sense, I think reading online is not necessarily a negative choice in comparison to print books. The 'sitting in front of a tv' is another deal.

Here is another article.

Unfortunately, Stanford is not one of the colleges mentioned... at least not that I know of. I may have missed something.

The US is all about green right now, but they're fight to be 'green' is NOTHING compared to Japan. Japan is so eco-conscious, green-conscious, conscious, conscious, conscious, that the US is so, so, so, far behind.

Anyways.

I think I'm going to start tagging my posts. If I feel compelled to, I will tag my other posts in my spare time (which is... always? Even though I'm at work? Which, btw, the lady I share the office with is out sick today. I have the office to myself. Yay! I could technically close the door and sleep. haha)

Today's post was not that interesting. I apologize. But at least the articles were!

bjs

Summer Reading Updated (again) And Some More...

2008-07-24T22:48:00.000-07:00

Okay. Here's the most recently updated (is that redundant...? does recently automatically it would be updated... maybe not. Okay, now I'm confused) reading list for this summer. I think I've added a book here, struck through one there...

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
A New Earth by Eckharte Tolle
Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger
The Path of Love by Deepak Chopra
Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Olivier Relin
Freakanomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda
One Hundred Demons by Lynda Barry
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
Drinking Coffee Elsewhere by ZZ Packer
Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? by Beverly Daniel Tatum

Okay, now moving on to and more...

Firstly.

Click here to talk about music and technology
Click here to read about Spike Lee

Secondly.
Read Three Cups of Tea. 'nuff said.

Thirdly.
Blog surfing is so incredibly interesting.

I just found out that one of the girls from my dorm will be going to the Beijing Olympics. Don't believe me? --> click!

Everyone's doing big things every where.

bjs

One Year Anniversary

2008-07-23T17:32:00.000-07:00

You know the song "Damaged" by Danity Kane? The first time I heard the song, and weeks after it when I heard it almost every single day, every time the girl's said "Damaged," I thought they were saying "Feel it." I realized today that they weren't saying "Feel It" at all but "damaged." I feel kind of silly right now. As you might be able to imagine...

So why is this post named One Year Anniversary?

Today marks the one year point since my Grandmother passed away.

I know it's sort of a sad, somber topic to be writing about. But I guess it's a good opportunity to reflect, yeah?

My grandmother has a name she uses in the entertainment business: Katsushibayo.

She also has two great pieces of wisdom that she felt we should live by.

1.) Always look good, dress to impress, present yourself well.
2.) Do what you want to do.

These two views she had on life accounted for more than 70% of the reason why she was an intimidating figure to me. Not just me, but to everyone. But it wasn't a "I'm scared" sort of intimidation - it was more of a "this woman has done great things, is doing great things, will do great things just because she dresses well and always follows her instincts." It was the type of indimidation that was coupled with admiration.

I have two grandmothers - my mum's mum, and my dad's mum. I can't say that I always looked forward to seeing my dad's mum. My mum's mum, the one that passed away last year, however, I was intimidated by, but never didn't NOT want to see. She intimidated me, she always had something to say about the way I dressed, but I was always happy to see her. She always wanted kisses from her grandchildren to a point where even for a child like who grew up in a Western community with Filipino and Island culture background, it was a bit embarrassing.

She always had something to say about the way I dressed. Now looking back, she definitely had reason to. She might be a bit proud if she could see me now. But yes, I agree, she had reason to critique the way I dressed and presented myself. It wasn't after she passed away, this past year, that I realized that the way she lived, and her two theories she lived by had brought her to great places. She had so many people that we didn't know that wanted to attend her funeral, we had to fight really hard to keep it only within family. Even then, we allowed one outsider, a famous Japanese actress whom my mum and aunt considered my grandmother's first child (not for real, of course, just in theory).

I can't say that my grandmother's death changed my life in any way, but I've taken her two theories in life and have been trying hard to implement it into my life. I've been trying (trying - have not perfected yet) to dress well and present myself well every single day, and I've also been doing what I want to do, even if my rational mind might disagree. That's not to say that those decisions I made were bad. Yes, some had negative consequences, and some choices I made I have been trying to deal with mentally and emotionally even now.

But for the most part. about 99.9% of the decisions I made with my grandmother in mind were the right choices.

So I figure what she lived by meant something. And I plan to keep living by it.

On to a much lighter topic.

Jordin Sparks sounds like Brandy. I knew that No Air was by Jordin, but I still thought it was Brandy when she started singing.

Okay. I'm going to go grab some drinks from the office kitchen and work on my report. 35 pages and counting... It seriously feels like Cliff Nass meets an extreme version of PWR.

bjs.

Dress well, and do what you want ;)

Shamless Blog Surfing / New Found Freedom

2008-07-22T18:35:00.000-07:00

yes, I am a shameless blog surfer, but before I get to that...

Shout Outs to Teak and Atha! The only two people from Stanford that keep in touch (sort of, Teak, I know your working on it) and check this blog. haha. well done.

Now, on to Shameless Blog Surfing.

I've recently (not really) encountered the "next blog" button at the top of this page. It's amusing. I love it. I don't know why. It's just so interesting to see who blogs. And since this is somewhat along the lines of my work, I want to quickly list to you the type of people who blog.

Random start-up business - Don't ask me why. They just do. A lot of the time they're Thai too. Thai start-ups. haha
Artists - This is no surprised. What better place to publish their art to a wide (as long as they advertise well) range of audiences? Lots of photography, paintings, fashion mishaps, and so forth.
Brazillians - Don't ask me why, but almost half, if not more, of the blogs I encounter are in Portuguese. So may their Portuguese? - you ask me. I considered that, but most of them are based in Brazil. Who knew Brazillians were such avid bloggers.
Mormon Families - Again, don't ask me why. But this is what a particlar morman family blog is like. There's a beautiful family photo of young parents and usually a baby. Next to the photo is a quick description of who they are, when they got married, where they live, etc. Below that are about 10+ links to blogs of other family members. Something like "Family Blogs: George and Becca, Nicole and Steve, Emily and Clark..." The posts themselves would include photos of events, little random musings of the day, and family trips. Yes. It's true.
Celebrity Stalkers - Photo after photo of their favorite celebrities with no other explanation.

I'm so glad I've returned to the blogging world.

Moving on to the next topic - New Found Freedom

So recently, I was starting to realize that as much as I loved reading A New Earth and The Path To Love and so forth, I was having a hard time with it. I didn't know what it was. I was just having trouble with it. I understood the concepts, but to me, it felt like what they were saying - living in the present - meant discouting everything in the past and all thoughts of the future. I'm sure this is never what they meant, but to me, that's all I kept hearing.

Then I asked a friend of mine one day out of the blue, "what do you think of this idea of 'living in the present'?" and from there on, it sparked a mini conversation between the two of us until he finally ended his thoughts with "If we're living in the present, and we're happy enough, why bother with the philosophy of it?"

And then it hit me.

That's true. Why bother reading and studying and figuring out how or why we live in the present if we do it and are fine with it. Okay so maybe the first part isn't quite right. I don't know if I phrased that right. But that's true. If one makes the effort to live in the present, and are content with the way one does it, then why explore the deep philosphies of it. It's understandable if one wants to do it out of interest, and studying its philosphy and trying to understand what people are studying is not a bad thing. Welcome to 20+ years of schooling, right? And it's not bad to have a bit of background as to what it is that you're doing. But if you (the relative you) are truly interested in living presently, then it would make just as much sense to just do it in a way that you're happy with, then worry about all the ways that other people have done it or tell you to do it. What's the point of just being if you're preoccupied with all the ways of 'being' and the 'how to/how not to' of it. You shouldn't have to work hard to be. You should realize that it's the only way to live, be aware of it, realize that you have already been living that way, and keep being.

Again, this is not to say that studying about it and reading it about it is bad. It's good. The more you know, the more you can establish your own thoughts behind it. But in trying to keep up with another friend and understanding everything he had to say, I forgot that the only person that lives my present is, in fact, me. I was so preoccupied with keeping up to speed with friends, being intimidated by ideas thrown at me, and worrying about how I was going to live in the present, that I forgot the very fundamental truth that I've actually been living by for the past seven or eight years of my life.

I've always been living in the present. But the past helps me in reminding me to live in the present. And my future gives me something to day-dream about and work toward when I need a mental break. My version of 'living in the present' includes a healthy balance of present, past, and future. And it's gotten me this far with this many successes and failures. I can educate myself, learn a few key ideas, maybe some meditation techniques and learn a new way to look at the world, but that doesn't mean I need to go and completely change the way I live just because one of my friends is doing it and various gurus and spiritual masters are saying what they want.

This was the new found freedom I encountered yesterday. All of a sudden, my anxiety disappeared, my sense of inferiority in the subject took its leave, and I was staring at a new sense of meaning and idea of "living in the present" in my life. And I plan to cultivate it, apply it, and live it.

And I love it.

bjs.

ps. before I publish this, I'm going to give you two links to two cool blogs I encountered while I blog surfed.

All you have to do is click here and click here. Sweet.

Glow

2008-07-20T07:06:00.000-07:00

That's my goal from now until I step foot onto Stanford soil.

I used to go back to my state two years ago.

GLOW

Don't forget to check my updated blogs!

Re:
rioN --> New Contributor!

bjs

Weakness

2008-07-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

I have a friend that has an ultimate weakness. He has a different word for it. I know that, but using that word, I feel, will only confuse things more, so for now, I'm just going to call it a weakness, knowing that he would prefer to call it something else.

The weakness.

So his weakness is, that, a certain part of him needs be feel needed. In other words, he gravitates, somewhat subconsciously to people he knows needs his help. This doesn't always mean literally. It's not like "Hi, I need you to help me in chemistry." It's more in the sense of "I need you to support me, I need you to listen to me, I need you to be my mental and emotional base." Without meaning to, he finds these people.

I believe, I am one of those people.

But at the same time, I'm trying to graduate out of that.

Coming to college, I finally found what I'm comfortable with. People may say that I'm changing but I see it more as becoming - finally becoming who I was born to be.

I did some 'needing' early on. It was rare for a person to be able to sit across from me for three hours and let me talk about my problems. I thought it was out of the kindness of his caring heart. It was, for the most part. But the other 30 to 40% of him was doing it because he was feeling needed. If a person feels needed, he gravitates toward them.

This is not a bad thing. I know this because I'm a similar person. I gravitate towards people who have certain needs. It's not like we actively seek them, it just happens. But as I become more independent, I realize that this friend that I've known for a very, very long time has come to fall into a natural rhythm and habit of assuming that whenever I want to talk to him, it's to share some sort of neediness. So it seems that whenever I talk to him, he's assuming that some sort of needy, sad, frustrating, venting is going to occur, when really, all I want to talk to him is about the recent book that I read or the movie I saw.

SO how do I change this? How do I make him realize that at times I may need his insight and his willingness to listen, but at times, I just want to talk to him about life?

I could either just tell him that.

Or just change the nature of what I talk about.

I don't know. I'm working on it.

Dreams = The Present

2008-07-16T19:07:00.000-07:00

I really should be working, but I just had this interesting insight that I feel I should write down before it leaves me.

A friend just emailed me to tell me that she forgot to set her alarm last night and, as a result, gained 100 minutes more of shut-eye that should have been used for getting ready and going to work. That extra 100 minutes, however, lead her to - what I might consider - an awakening.

I use the word awakening relatively liberally. It's not the same awakening that Tolle or someone might suggest, but I'm going to use the word here for lack of a better one until I find an alternative.

The situation goes something like this:
My friend had an emotionally difficult experience nine months ago. But, because it was an experience that she, in a sense, brought on herself, she picked herself up and quickly moved on - or so she thought. Nine months later, she heard news of something that related to that emotionally difficult incident nine months ago, and she was forced to confront what she was feeling inside. It got to a point where she felt sick to her stomach.

Then, my friend (smart girl), decided to go home, lay on her bed, and try to work through these feelings and thoughts that she had about the experience nine months ago, and what has unfolded in the past few days. Eventually, she fell asleep, until her dad woke her up this morning, way after she was supposed to wake her up.

Fortunately, this extra 100 minutes allowed her time to dream. In the dream, she was with the people involved in the event nine months ago and everything leading up to now, and they were in the future discussing how they felt.

After waking up and looking back on her dream, my friend had an awakening. So the question is, how did this 'awakening' or epiphany or 'enlightenment' (as she called it) come about?

This is what I came up with. My friend went to sleep with her thoughts. She had feelings and ideas about the situation in her outward conscious. What was making her sick, however, was what her subconscious was telling her. Her subconscious, I think, was being surpressed by her outer thoughts (the thoughts that were occupying her at the moment) that the subconscious was trying to get out causing her to feel sick.

Her dream was the perfect medium for her subconscious. In her dream, although the dream itself took place in the future, all the thoughts she was having was her present thoughts. Not just her outward thoughts, but her subconscious as well. It was the one place in which her thoughts and her subconscious found a common ground, placing her in - sort of - present moment. That present moment caused her 'epiphany' afterwards.

Isn't it weird? I'm not a big believer in coincidences. I don't remember when, but a while back, before college, I came to believe that everything happens for a reason. I was/is, in a way, a big believer in our conventional, wikipedia definition of 'karma' (I say conventional and wikipedia because I know have learned that karma means a multitude of things). I was a believer in the "what goes around comes around." Nothing happens from coincidence. Everything is predetermined. The reason my friend had to cancel dinner with another friend because she was feeling sick, and then decided to contemplate that on her bed, that caused her to fall asleep and forget to turn on her alarm, and then have the extra 100 minutes of sleep that ended up being an extra 100 minutes of a conversation between her thoughts and her subconscious. This is not a coincidence. This was all meant to happen.

and now I have loads of work that I had put aside, and my boss just came in (as I was blogging) to give me sudden deadlines - today and tomorrow!? - that I need to meet, and I refuse to stay after 5:30 pm. So off to work I go.

I hope you have a chance to have a similar 'awakening/epiphany/enlightenment' as a result of carefully planned events in your life.

bjs

The Other Blogs...

2008-07-16T01:19:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update to let you know that my other blogs have been updated as well!

Happy blogging

bjs

So Hate Is Also Love?

2008-07-14T20:15:00.001-07:00

In response to my Paolo Coelho post, Atha asked - So hate is also love?

Hm...

No. Not quite. At least not in the way that I know it.

We're meant to recognize that there are negative emotions in life. They are such things as hate, jealousy, pain, and anger. These emotions exist. We're not denying that.

We're also assuming the truth that love exists everywhere. It is something we cannot escape, fall in and out of, or look for. Love is consciousness, consciousness is the present, the present is now, and now is life as we know it. If you follow that a = b = c theory, than love is life.

That is established.

So then what do we do with all the negativity in life? Ignoring it, I feel, will be the wrong way to approach it. That would be childish, immature, and not embracing.

I think what a lot of us fail to realize is that when we feel this negative emotion - hate, for the sake of conversation - it is toward something or someone. The reason we feel this negative emotion is because deep inside, that aspect that we hate that is manifested in that person or object or situation, exists within ourselves as well. If you say that you hate someone because they are self-absorbed, you are also stating that 'self-absorbed' also exists within yourself, one of the reasons why you can recognize it, and you are disturbed by that.

Then how do we rid ourselves of these negative emotions?

This is where love comes in.

You can accept love as something that is all existing. Now, you must also accept that you are full of love and are also lovable.

We fall into this pit of negativity, often because we feel this negativity that exists within ourselves makes us unlovable. In return, that negative emotion is driven further, and there is an endless cycle of negative emotion and self-degradation. Thus to break free of this cycle - it's hard, I know, I have a hard time with it as well - is to accept that you are lovable. You can also return this love. There becomes an endless cycle of love.

If you can accept that you are capable of loving and that you are lovable, then there can't be hate that exists within you, because when you see someone, you can't hate someone because that negative emotion is not reflected in you. You don't have it.

That's not to say that since you don't have these negative emotions you can't recognize it other people. You can recognize it in other people, which is why 'loving' - and I don't mean this at all in any sexual way, though it is another important aspect of love that we can touch on later - is important. You have to help that other person with negative feelings to realize that they are loved as well.

In a weird sense, this also means you can't wait for love. It's not something that will come to you. It already exists all around you. So it's a matter of whether you can recognize this love within yourself and understand it.

There are ways to do this, excercises you can do. If I find it appropriate, I may share some later.

I hope that make a little bit of sense. As I was writing it, it made sense to me, but then I also realized that this could be really circular and not make sense...

I'll leave it like this for now, espcially since I'm writing this at work.

lunch time!

bjs

Summer Reading List - Updated

2008-07-13T21:34:00.000-07:00

So I have yet to write a review for any of them yet, but I thought I'd repost my reading this for this summer since it seems that there has been some additions, and it'll help me keep my books in order. <~~strikethrough~~ denotes finished books>
The Summer Reading List

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
A New Earth by Eckharte Tolle
Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger
The Path of Love by Deepak Chopra
Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
One Hundred Demons by Lynda Barry
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
Drinking Coffee Elsewhere by ZZ Packer
Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Olivier Relin
The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda
Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? by Beverly Daniel Tatum

As you can see, I have seven left out of eleven. I'm getting there. I can pprobably finish Tipping Point this week since it's not as heavy a read as The Path of Love and A New Earth. I finished CHW in 2.2 days, so I think it'll be fine. That means I have to go upstairs and trade my books with the one that's in my suitcase. As long as I start on the four required readings four weeks before NSO, I'll be A-ok. I also have to listen to the weekly lessons by Bill Harris and watch all 10 podcasts between Oprah and Eckhart. I also have to work on my blogs as well as continue working on Projects 1 through 4. This is so exciting that, even though i have eight hours of work every day, I have time to do all of this! This is a summer of independence, of growth, of learning to live without certain elements in my life, and immersing myself in love. Excellent.My feature of the day are two quotes from the Deepak book I just finished.

I must see all things in myself, rejecting nothing out of fear or disdain. I must remind myself always to look a little bit beneath the surface of things, for a flower is not just a flower -- it is rain and rainbow, clouds, earth, and the immensity of space. Then I must look at myself the same way

Be kind to yourself and others.
Come from love every moment you can.
Speak of love with others. Remind each other of your spiritual purpose.
Never give up hope.
Know that you are loved.

You got me? Good. bjs

Love, Growth, Paulo

2008-07-12T01:49:00.000-07:00

From my newest blog discovery... the one mentioned right below this one. Some cool things I found on his site.

Let's start with this one.

That's just straight forward... right?

Next.

This is very A New Earth. In reading Tolle and then Deepak, and then surfing Paulo's Blog, it immediately becomes clear that while all three men may be talking about different topics for a different audience, what they say is strikingly similar. Or perhaps 'similar' is the wrong word. They are all referring back to the same idea, same thoughts, same way of living.

It's this reoccurring idea of the ego and how 'who we are' in terms of labels, like "i am human, i am a woman, i am 20" is all related back to the ego. But is that who we really are? Those are words we use to describe ourselves. But to truly be ourselves is to strip ourselves of these 'superficial' (for lack of a better word) labels and to be rid of the ego.

Being presented with this idea in A New Earth, I had a hard time because as much as I understood the idea of stripping myself of the ego, I couldn't help but wonder how you could possibly live ego-less in a world and society where ego is what is going to help you get to the next place.

And then I listened to Genpo Roshi and I felt better. But I'll leave that for the next time.

Next.

I just like this card, even if he did rip off the photo from some site in google. But no matter. I like this one because it correlates to the Deepak Chopra book I'm reading (--> Deepak's Book <--).Deepak argues that love is everywhere. It's not something you go out and find. Love permeates through everything. You have to be open to it. You get as much as you give. Love is. At the same time, I Am. If I Am, and I Am is this present moment, and this present moment is being awakened and if awakening is love then I Am Love. You can't fall in and out of something that you are.I love and am lovable. That's what it comes down to. And finally, for today, something that really goes hand in hand with Deepak.

'surrender.' ahhh yes.

Here's the feature of the day. You have to click on the bottom right corner and do a flipping action with your mouse. woah

bjs

Paulo Coelho's Blog!?

2008-07-11T00:55:00.000-07:00

HOLY SHAMOLLY!

Look who blogs! --> one kickass blog

LOVE IT!

Work or Blogging... Work or Blogging...

2008-07-10T20:18:00.000-07:00

This is horrible. I shouldn't be blogging. But right now, it's either Japanese font surfing or blogging. And I've been inspired after reading the numerous blogs on the NY Times Blogs website, so this is why I'm blogging now.

I've also, for better or for worse, made another blog. And then, if I decide to do so, I'll have one more later. That brings my total blog number to four. Oops.

This is what happens when I have a lot of different things I'm interested in that I keep up to date with that I want to share with people.

But no worries, you will never be seeing a "celebrities-fake-perezhilton" blog or "what's big in fashion now" blog or even a "blog on blogs." Okay, the last one is actually something that sounds interesting, so let's disregard that one. But the first two, you can count that it won't be happening.

I'm doing a good job though, I think. I'm trying to minimize my blog number by combining somewhat relative topics. So far, I've got this blog, which is just me rambling. Then I have rioN that combines Music and Technology. And then one that just debuted today is rabbit's head, which is all theatre. The last one I'm debating on whether to really create is one that'll concentrate on books and 'spirituality.' I'll probably end up making it.

These blogs help me keep up to date with life and my interests. And it gives me an outlet. I think. People might not understand why blogging occurs or what the point is. But I don't know. I've always been a blogger. According to Blogger/Blogspot, I've been a blogger since 2003. That says something, don't you think?

In the mean time, I guess I shall return to work. Oh wait, it's 12:30 pm. Time for lunch and some Deepak Chopra (and when I'm done with Chopra it will be reviewd on my Book/'Spirituality' blog... see wouldn't it make sense for me to make one!?).

bjs

ps. My blog banner changed. DID YOU NOTICE!?

Diaspora Get Down... ?

2008-07-10T04:13:00.001-07:00

first thing's first.

after random blog surfing i've come to the conclusion that most bloggers in the world speak Chinese, Portuguese, or German. Or at least, I keep finding blogs that are in those languages. WHY!?

SO, allow me to introduce to you (which is kind of no one) what I'd like to call Diaspora Drama... Here's the recipe for a good Diaspora (drama) get down.

1.) Begin with a remark/article/video/song/cookie that can be possibly perceived as even a bit racist towards the black community.
2.) Send the piece of media/cookie to the_diaspora@lists.stanford.edu.
3.) Respond to that email with a three paragraph long essay.
4.) Respond to that email with a five paragraph long essay.
5.) Respond, respond, respond.

OH MY GOSH. These emails/essays that come through the Diaspora list NEVER cease to amaze me. I'm not saying that what is being said is bad. It's EXTREMELY educational and entertaining. But sometimes, it's just ridiculous.

Can I just say, that Mr. Popo is an alien, Jynx from Pokemon is Japanese, Japanese people like monkeys, and then WHY KEEP CONTINUING THIS CONVERSATION???

-----

that said. here is a sneak peak to my new blog -> click here!

muito beijos minhas amores. (i think i just butchered the language...)
(^^)v

Why Am I Not a CS Major!?

2008-07-09T02:40:00.000-07:00

i often wonder this...

why am i not a CS major?

the CS major will allow me to make all the different types of websites i'd like. Frikin' math. *shakes head* messing with my game! I might have to get one of those... website making for dummies or maybe I'll just get that program that let's me make websites. I don't know. But this is getting ridiculous. I want to do so much on the web, and yet I have no skills. GAH.

That said,

I'd like to feature a blog today.

I introduce to you: Matt Romaine.

The son of my past Japanese teacher/mum's colleague.

okay, that's it. Google is scary. haha. But it's a cool blog.

also, i was trying to figure out how I was going to put all of my interests into another comprehensive blog, and then I finally came up with brilliant idea: make two blogs. DUH. That means, all in all, i will have three blogs. I can do it. I'm a big enough blogger to have three blogs. I'm excited. That will be my weekend project.

I've been going out to dinner too much this past week - i need to recharge. So this weekend I will stay home, spend time with relatives, do some yoga, and work on my two other blogs. this is excellent.

Also, i am hitting myself over the head right now for deleting my old blog :between.apple.chips: I should've kept it. grr. I've been a major blogger since middle school, so I should've kept it. well, i mean, i'm sure it exists somewhere in cyper space as a set of bits and bytes and 1s and 0s. I don't know hot to find it though.

And i end with this:

KINA! - I hate this song, but i love her. So I'll endure it.

ps. My cousin just sounded like my uncle! woah!

Gregory and the Hawk

2008-07-05T06:15:00.000-07:00

So I said last post that I was going to talk about Tolle for this post. I lied... Sort of. I will write about Tolle soon. I also have to write a review on One Hundred Years of Solitude. But, I just made a recent discovery (yes, 'recent' and 'just made' is a bit redundant) that I feel like I have to share.

Gregory and the Hawk

Wow. Just wow. Amazing voice, amazing songs.

I found her while listening to music at work via imeem.com.

I feel like thanks to shows like Grey's Anatomy and such, there's been this fluctuation/resurgence/comeback of the 'folk' category. I personally call the 'folk' category 'easy listening' but same deal. Anyways, it's been extremely easy (?) to find artists with this sort of sound. I'm surprised I didn't bump into Gregory and the Hawk earlier.

That said, what makes her so different from the rest of the indie folk singers?

I'll be honest, I don't know. I think there's this weird tendency for folk songs to be very metaphoric and analogous, which is great. I love that. But her songs have beautiful imagery (check "Boats and Birds") but she also has straight forward songs that she sings with the same folk feel (check "I Wish"). And her voice is so sweet but what she sings about it so painful sometimes.

My personal favorites are "Boats and Birds," which I believe appeared on one of the Grey's Anatomy tracks, as well as "The Bolder Thing to Do." I prefer Bolder but I think both songs touch on this folky-metaphoric side as well as the brutally honest and sort of depressing side of her songs.

Boats is apparently about leaving home. Bolder is just so straight forward.

I'm attaching the link to her home page here: Gregory and The Hawk Home Page and MySpace.

I'm working on that Broadway blog. I just had a long day today so I haven't been able to launch it. I also need a cool URL name that isn't too corny. I guess I'll have to work on that one.

In the mean time, I leave you with the lyrics of the two songs.

The Bolder Thing To Do
Every day trying to make up for the one before
climb three flights to tremble at the sight of your already open door
the frustration I see when I tell you I like some company
breaks my heart
how can you be so impartial?

and I've made myself the fool
who's fallen for you
so let me down softly this time and
I wont have to come back cryin'
I've just made myself look bad and
you're the one who should be feelin' bad
it'd be better to forget you
but I don't really want to
it'd be better to forget you
but I don't really want to

energy spent trying to believe you're not worth it
you don't deserve it
but I wish you did 'cause I can't rid the thought of it
and I'll remember you as the second or two
artists I knew who decided to screw me over
'cause it's the bolder thing to do

Boats and Birds
If you be my star
I'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by

if you be my boat
I'll be your sea
a depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free
I live to make you free

but you can set sail to the west if you want to
and past the horizon till I can't even see you
far from here where the beaches are wide
just leave me your wake to remember you by

if you be my star
I'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by
stardust to remember you by

bjs

First July Post!

2008-07-02T05:12:00.001-07:00

*cheer* *applaud* *joy*

and thus concludes my first post of July.

JUST KIDDING.

Wow, it's July. I didn't realize until Jeremy said something, but it's Independence Day this Friday! But I have work, and I probably won't celebrate it because I'm in Japan. Wow.

So sad story (I totally just typed Storey). I was forced to change my myspace password because of the "phish"-ing thing. But I couldn't remember what the password was because it wasn't anything like my past passwords. So I tried to send the password to myself. But then Hotmail didn't open for some reason. It was just sad. But now I have my password, and now I can open MySpace, so it's ALL good.

I'm thinking about making another blog. I think I'm going to center it on Broadway, since I did such a good job of it before.

That way I can get Atha's people to 'sponsor' me. Or something.

But first I need the energy, and then the motivation. THEN maybe I can make something happen.

In the mean time, I'm almost done with A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. yay!

also...

Kina's new one of the week. Can you tell that I'm obsessed? Oh no...

My next post will be on Tolle, Consciousness, Pain-Body, the Ego, your main purposes vs. your secondary purpose, and so forth.

bye bye

Video Blog 2

2008-06-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

Hoorah #2!

bjs

ps. if you scroll down to a youtube clip with ballet, you'll see what I danced my senior year at our recital. since bina asked. except of course it's not ME dancing in the clip. But i did basically the same dance. WOOT.

Transgenders, Robots, and Japanese Television

2008-06-24T05:20:00.000-07:00

I don't watch much TV during the year, mostly because I don't have a TV in my room, but let's take this moment to explore a very different and interesting genre/realm of Japanese Television.

Today, I was introduced to two new TV shows.

One consisted of nothing but Transgender/Gay men, with one straight man and a couple of straight women. The other is a weekly drama about a girl who has fallen in love with a Robot, somewhat reminiscent of that Robin Williams movie whose name has escaped me.

Ones-man: The Japanese Obsession with Gay Men
Onesan is a Japanese word for 'sister.' It can also mean 'older woman.' This Transgender based TV show takes that word and changes the ending to match the English word 'man.' And thus the cleverly titled television show begins at 7 pm, a prime time for Japanese Television. Furthermore, the show exists on a network/channel that is free for anything who plugs in their TV. This means, unlike Queer As Folk or Queer Eye For the Straight Guy, which existed on cable channels only available to those who pay, the Japanese TV watching population has free, uncensored access to the life of the gay/transgender celebrity. Each section of the show is similar to Queer Eye in that the men have specific specialities that they feature on their television shows. But otherwise, from the 30 minutes that I watched today, it seems to be a lot of fake eyelashes, boas, and flamboyance. Again, only in Japan.

What Happens To Sex?: The Details That The Writers Missed
There's also TV show that features a young, handsome (by Japanese standards) Robot who effects the lives of all of those that he interacts with until finally a poor girl falls in love with him, even with the notion that he is a robot. As I watch the last episode, the poor Robot expresses his love for the girl, but ultimately leaves her as he realizes that his hard drive will crash in one day. One last day of bliss before we must all face the reality that technology breaks. That said, before the sad ending was foreshadowed, and it seemed like the two 'lovers' might actually might make it, I couldn't help but wonder 'If this works out, and this girl decides to spend her whole life with him... What happens to the basic human needs such as sex?' Call me dirty, but I'm sorry, that would suck. It's also a mystery to me as to why the writers decided to write such a show, and who in the world decided to produce it.

There are many more mysteries involved in Japanese TV, but I had a day of work of nothingness, and I'm tired, so maybe we can talk about this again later.

In the mean time: yay Kina and her weekly blogs!

One day, I shall go to her concert. As well as William Fitzsimmons. Sweet.

muito bjs

Working Wo(man)

2008-06-23T04:12:00.000-07:00

I am tots tired (I don't know if Americans abbreviate 'totally' like that... I know us semi-Americans of the Japanese islands do)

But, I am (almost) officially a working gal (as soon as I finish all of my forms). Yay.

Looks like what I'll be doing is marketing. Yay.

That basically means that I'll be surfing other law office websites to figure out what website is cool and what isn't, and why ours is or isn't up to par yet. It's basically looking websites, interfaces, and all that good stuff that Cliff Nass talked about in the first two quarters of my sophomore life, which, sadly, makes me wish I had paid more attention to his classes last year. But not to worry, I will be Ok.

Japanese customs in the work place are so, I don't know. I guess I don't have much to compare it to. My first day started with an extensive (not really) orientation about forms, ID keys, Security cards, and the time card/punch thing (which I have successfully failed to use as I left the office today). I started with a 6'5" (I know because he told me) Wisconsonian (?) who happened to be a "sound guy" for theater prior to his Japanese studies and English teaching. It was an odd coincidence to be starting at a Law Firm that has absolutely no relation to theater whatsoever (besides maybe us two) with another fellow techie who knew the job of a stage manager. And then this young Japanese girl started giving us a tour of the building (of which 6 out of... 9? 10? floors are occupied by 'my' firm) and then dropped off the Wisconsonian (whose name is Matt) off at IT and then we proceeded to my cubicle thing... I share it with a very... odd... to say the least, lady who seems not to be too social. But I can't blame her. She has to sit in a cubicle for 8 hours translating documents from English to Japanese, and then Japanese to English. I'd be weird after a while too. What else... Yeah, that's about it. I guess work starts tomorrow!

And now... As a request from Ms. Pacheco:

The feature of the day today is a joke.

The World's Funniest Joke

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Okay, i don't know if that's even that funny, but apparently it is, according to wikipedia.

Sweet.

bjs
C:)

What's In a Blog?

2008-06-21T08:21:00.000-07:00

If you can guess where that is from... or what that refers to, 100 points for you. 100 points of love!

I was asked for the purpose of this blog. And to be honest, I don't really know what the purpose is. I just need a constant in my life, and I think this may be one of them. It's a nice place to write things out. And because I know this is public, I'm forced to write them in a coherent, eloquent manner assuming that the other party (aka the reader) doesn't know what I'm talking about. It's a fun challenge, especially for someone like me who tends to be more eloquent on paper/computer screen, then in person. So the purpose of this blog is to write down whatever I feel like that is not too intimate that it needs to be put in a personal journal, and also have some sort of summer project/constant where I can 'share' things with people. That's legit, I think.

Also, here's something that I pooped out of my conscious today.

A random ramble: i believe that your soul keeps living after you die. now some would say that your soul is 'reborn' when a new being (i'm assuming human, well that's what we assume, but i don't see why we can't be reborn as a zebra or alpaca) is born on earth, basically you're moving from one body to another. some might call it reincarnation. but that's different from reincarnation... or is it? In reincarnation, you might feel that you are a reincarnation of someone, but there's no way of knowing. well some people claim that they do, but if you don't remember your past life, then how do you prove that the soul that is in the "reincarnated" you is the same one as the "past life" you. That's different from your soul moving from one body to another. Like ramtha, who embodied the lady as "ramtha" not, 'ramtha reincarnated into the lady and the lady feeling like she is a reincarnation of him" So then I was thinking, after you die, your soul leaves your body and wanders. But if it doesn't put itself back into another body (or you, in 'soul' form, decide not to) then where do you go? I personally wouldn't want to go to heaven or hell or its abstract equivalents... I think I would want to stay in the "real" world (or the world as we know it). but then maybe when we leave our physical body, we'll see the world differently. If after enlightenment (or awakening... i'm assuming those are two different things, i'll have to figure that one out) you see balls of energy/light. then after you leave your physical self, then perhaps you see/feel the world as balls of energy/light. but then that would mean that you become enlightened after you die. which i don't think everyone does... hm...

The response that came back with this was ginormous, and I need to read it again, but that was it.

Feature of the day:

I danced this way back when, when I was younger, skinnier, and crazier...

peace out, T-town.

Books For This Summer

2008-06-20T00:49:00.000-07:00

If you're looking for my Video Blog - scroll down!

in the mean time...

I get to commute to work on a train for 30 min in the morning, and 30 minutes at night. That means at least 1 hour of reading time every day, guaranteed. YAY! I'm sure I could've done the same in school, but whatever...

Here's what's in my possession right now that I plan to read:
- One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
- Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarisa Pinkola Estés, Ph.D
- "Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?" And Other Conversations About Race by Beverly Daniel Tatum, Ph.D
- The Path To Love by Deepak Chopra
- A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle
- The Tipping Point: How LIttle Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell
- Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
- The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge by Carlos Castaneda

Yup, so those are at least the books that are in my possession right now and that I'm staring at. If I have time and energy, I"ll read the random Japanese books in my cousins' collections. And I've decided, that, when I'm done with each book, I'll write a little something-something about them either in this blog or elsewhere... It'll force me to reflect!

If you'd like, I'll let you know what book I'm reading, so we can talk about it together!... I'm reading the first one on the list right now. The list isn't a reflection of the order in which I'll be reading the books, they're just the list. I'm almost done with it though, so I'm thinking I'll move on to The Tipping Point. We'll see. It's either that, or Eckhart or Deepak.

Superficiality of following trends and diseases (er... i dunno if the latter is superficial per say...)? or awakening your consciousness via Chopra and Tolle? We'll see...

In the mean time, here's a random video that the very personalized and new YouTube featured on my home page today.

Yes, that's the feature of the day. Some guy named Natty. Commentators claim this song makes no sense. I don't think so... It's a... pre-sex/during-sex/post-sex song....... I think.

Anyways. I'm super jetlagged because I was supposed to sleep during the flight, but I got bumped up to Business class, so I felt that I should stay up and enjoy the business class-ness of the flight. So i was going to order wine and champagne, but i decided that that would completely and utterly defeat the purpose of trying to stay awake.. so alas, I sat up, watched 27 Dresses and part of that Kate Hudson Gold related movie (only a part of it, couldn't deal with it otherwise) and now I have a severe case of jetlag.

Blogging to occur again soon.

exes and hos...?

i mean: XOXO (x's and o's...)

Video Blog 1!

2008-06-19T04:50:00.000-07:00

oi,

so... here's my first video blog! CLICK!

And like I promised, the link to atha's blog

and if that doesn't work : http://pongwithme.blogspot.com

so to recap.

I got the new OP System for FREE! Yay Apple store! and they fixed my speakers. DOUBLE YAY! and my case... TRIPLE YAY.

and now I'm off to Japan.

ciao kiddos.

bjs
C:)

Pimp My Blog

2008-06-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

... or something...

So there's an opportunity that if I specify my blog to one thing... concentrate on one interesting thing to write about, I can get advertising on my blog, and thus get paid... that sounds super cool, but i don't know enough about one thing or another that I can't really think of one specific thing to write about.

wait, on a completely funny note...

so there's a commercial by itsyoursexlife.com... and you get this scrawny white kid talking about how sex is great and how cool it is, but that at the same time he's going to wait so that he doesn't need to get tested, or something. It's just weird cucz this kid is like "sex is SO COOL and it's crazy blah blha blah" and then he goes "BUT I don't need sex cuz I don't need to/want to get tested" and etc. It's just funny. I don't know. just as funny as Joseph's Engineer Picture. which i'll try to post if i can figure that out.

Anyways. So yes.. I need to pimp out my blog cuz it's kinda boring. Don't get me wrong, i love the green and kind of peaceful feel that it has, which makes sense, considering my blog's name... but i odn't know. i think i can work on it.

That said... Lemme work on that. And now Atha is my blog friend! yay!

Feature of this post:

Ms. Kina Grannis, yet again. Not her newest, but cute cute song. NOt hers, but w/e.

bjs

ps. I think I need to talk about the Tonys when I get my comp back. Which yeah, btw, I don't have my comp, it's in the shop. TUrns out I've been working for 2 years w/ my right speaker blown out. Booooo.

Home Reevaluated

2008-06-14T00:25:00.000-07:00

Home alone... ? Nope, not at all. Just in bed, with my brother and the dog in the other room.

While it is nice to be "home," I miss my bed in Uj. Better yet, I miss all of the various beds and futons that I have slept on at Stanford this past year.

I feel that in my very last night at Stanford as a Sophomore, I was sleeping on an open thing of lip gloss with some house across the street (possibly Muwehkma, though Sigma Chi seems like a better guess) blasting music until about 3 am. Thank goodness someone heard my alarm, or else I would've never been woken up and I would've missed my Super Shuttle, which was 20 minutes late, by the way, 20 minutes that could have been spent more wisely in bed.

And now I'm home, not in my bed, but my mother's bed. I don't really have a bed. My only constant bed is whatever Stanford supplies for me over the school year. Otherwise, I sleep on various other beds for the rest of the duration of the year.

'Home' has become an interesting concept lately.

I think I'm going to go with the thought that home is wherever I feel comfortable. It's where I want to be, and where I like to transport myself when I can (also known as day dreaming to many). Right now, my homes are:
- Stanford
- Ashland, OR
- Rio De Janeiro, Brasil.

There's a good chance that Japan will be up there as well, but I won't know until I get there next week.

I have no photo or feature for today. I'm too tired.

I posted two last time so I think i'm okay.

C:)

AmaZed

2008-06-12T00:44:00.000-07:00

and now that people have met, conversations can go smoother. TADA

anyways.

I'm done packing. Which is a good thing. Now I've got random knick knack things to get rid of.

Amazed
by MoZella

Your picture is on my wall
It helps me remember you
and I recall
how I'm amazed
I still love you the same
Yeah I'm amazed I still love you the same
I still remember
the shape of your hands
The times when you'd walk with me
and make me laugh
and I'm amazed
at how much we've changed
Yeah I'm amazed
I still love you the same
and each night I see you in my sleep
And I'll always dream that
you're here with me
and I'm amazed
I still love you the same
Yeah I'm amazed I still love you the same
Yeah I'm amazed I still love you the same

I had an AHA moment last night. except i can't remember what it was about... which defeats the purpose of writing it down here and such things. But I did have an aha moment...

*sigh*

what a year.

bjs
C:)

What I Learned This Year

2008-06-10T15:30:00.000-07:00

Oh no, I'm addicted... again... to blogging.

Well, kind of.

I was supposed to write today's post after I was done with all my exams, but instead I decided I'll write now, and then I'll just write again later if I was ever so inclined.

I wonder what Stanford's policy is for professors that arrive to your exam 15 minutes late.

Also, apparently my blog is not google-able yet.

I really need to learn a new language. I just don't have time. I was sitting listening to two guys go at it in a south american language (that is not Spanish, you now have two choices, GUESS!) and I just felt like "damn, i need to learn another language" It'll also help me understand half of the songs in my playlist, no joke.

muito mais, muito mais... does that make sense!?

--------------

6 hours later...

I'm done, I'm done, I'm done...

I'm done with sophomore year.

It was.......

INTERESTING

I learned a lot about myself and about how I relate to people.
I learned about what excites me intellectually.
I learned that I have opinions about certain things but am not able to express them eloquently yet.
I learned that some people are important to me and some are not.
I learned that I really like Brasil.
I learned, in the world, there's so much more to learn.
I learned to differentiate between good and bad alcohol.
I learned my tolerance is very dependent on the situation, the company, and so forth.
I learned I have an incredible propensity to love.

I think so...
C:)

ps. damn, I always forget.

Random findings online today:

Dude, this portfolio is intense... Photo Portfolio

Photo of the day?

Here's another one

Studying for Finals

2008-06-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

... is overrated.

Oh, I know. It's my own fault for not starting to study until 48 hours before, and now I'm semi-freaking out and semi-over it. It's not like I'm not studying. I'm just blogging.

And this blogging thing is very important, because I am tapping into my "communication" side of my life. I'm being an active member of the virtual world.

So Carrie (carry?) Heeter says in 1992, that our presence in the virtual world is our way of self-validating our own presence in the natural world. Mind you, he said this in 1992, before the Sims, Second Life, and all that scary WOW stuff was not a regular household word thrown around. But isn't it depressing? I mean think about it. People are online in virtual communities because it validates their existence in this world. Incredible.

I mean, it's not like I don't see where they're coming from. It's just a little disturbing.

Maybe it's disturbing because I can understand it. Maybe it's disturbing because I know that a part of me gets it.

In any case.

Finals. Let me sum up the content of my finals for you in a few sentences.

Newspapers and Broadcast TV are dying in its competition with the internet, unless they learn to integrate and share advertising, and to get profit out of their advertising.
The virtual world is a fast growing market that still needs a lot of studying and experimentation, but is also very theoretical and interesting.
I'm very sleepy.

I guess the last sentence was irrelevant.

Things to do this summer:
- Meditate.
- Read.
- Yoga.
- Finish Project 3.
- Finish my website.
- Take my Auntie out for a girl's night out.
- Go out to drink with my Uncle.
- Paint next to my Grandfather.
- Learn independence
- Get my ass whooped at one of the top 10 law firms in the US of A.
- Establish my ideas regarding the soul, soul mates, and spirituality. Or at least come close to establishing it.

That looks like a good list to start with.

Okay, I must now return to the futile activity that I call "studying for finals"

I don't think I want dinner today...

C:)

ps. oh, feature of the day, i almost forgot.

One day, I'm going to decorate my house with paintings by Matt Jones. love it.

Poems, Say What?

2008-06-05T17:01:00.001-07:00

Friends, yes it has come to this. I've begun writing poems/songs again. Throwback! to the good old days of... middle school? I don't even know. But since no one reads this thing anyways, I think I'm going to post it.

Soon you will find her.
She will be sweet like your grandmother.
And be crazy like your baby girlfriend.
She will be powerful like your mother.

And when you kiss her
She will envelope you like the sunshine.
She will ground you like Mother Earth.
And move you like the Buddah

I can’t compete with that.
Baby, we’re living in inevitables.
It’s a web of promises
We both assume we’re going to keep.

Soon I will find him.
He will be sweet like my uncle
And be crazy like my brother.
He will be powerful like Apollo.

And when I kiss him.
He will envelope me like the blue sky.
He will root me like the great Evergreen.
And he will move me like this melody.

But for now your lips are mine.
My smell your cologne on my pillow
The pattern of your heartbeat is my lullaby.
And your warmth my memory.

The 101th page in my diary
I give to you, hands down
But you will not receive it as a gift
Nothing implying attachment.

I am not Pocahontas.
You are not Aladdin.
But I am as real as I can be.
I can give you nothing more.

Soon you will find her
That epitome of energy
And I will find him
The intelligence of my love.

But until that day comes
Let’s play pretend
That you are him and I am her
And we are.

----

The end. Why do I do this to myself? I don't know.

I need to finish my paper.

Photo of the day:

What a fucking ugly creature..

C:)

Doubly Declared!

2008-05-22T00:22:00.001-07:00

so as of today, I am declared, twice... as if once wasn't enough.

I am now a Drama and Communication double major. woo hoo. that sounds daunting, doesn't it?

This is a good thing. I have direction in life now.

Or I just have lots of classes I have yet to fulfill for my majors. Oy vey.

That said, I'm actually done with most of my theatrical now. I'm also very tired of theater. Not theater itself, I'm just a bit tired of working on theater. I didn't think that was possible, but apparently it is. I think I'm just done with the politics of it all when you have a full company.

The Stanford Shakespeare Company definitely made my year this year. It was a lot of craziness, and lots of frustration, but it was still amazing.

Lovers To Bed, Tis Fairy Time

2008-05-05T22:17:00.000-07:00

oh Shakespeare. He knew what was up, I tell you, he knew what was up.

Midterms are done.

Thank god.

Now I have Midsummer, A few projects, and oh my... in less tan 5 weeks, my Sophomore year will be over.

It also means that within the next 5 weeks, I need to (omitted).

Next year should be interesting. Super fun, but interesting.

I got The Holiday and A New World : Eckhart Tolle in the mail today! Yay!

This makes me very happy.

Edit:
Some parts have been ommitted.

Besties Forever

2008-05-03T23:13:00.000-07:00

No, that does not say Beasties... It says Besties... They are two very different things.

Now, let us delve into a world where next year, I will be living in the same dorm with my Bestie. Good? Bad? I don't even know.

So much for trying to post on this thing every day. Obviously it's harder than anticipated.

bjs

HELL YES!

2008-05-01T09:08:00.001-07:00

YEA BABY!

I got

DONNER

First choice, first choice, first choice!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHH!

C:)

One Night of Insomnia

2008-04-30T23:24:00.000-07:00

Folks, the next 9 hours is crucial for me.

in 9 hours, the rest (well, the last two years) of my college career will be determined. How can this be so, you ask? Quite simple comrades - RA Job Offers.

It makes one wonder, what in the world would make a person invest a month of their life so that the following school year, they can be subject to 3 am "I'm locked out of my room" calls or have to do silly cheers for a week to 100 hypothetically enthused (and definitely by the end, unenthused) hoity toity teenagers who believe that they're better than the rest of the world because they start school a month later than everyone else in this great institution we call Stanford. (phew, that was a long one)

Well friends, that 'person' who would put their life on hold and even their friendships in jeopardy, that would be me.

First of all, I will get into Donner. At this point, the only way I feel that I'm going to get in is to envision myself there. The power of awareness is a very powerful power. We must embrace it and practice it, always. And so for the past month I have been actively envisioning myself as a Donner or Larkin RA.

Second, what if I get into Donner, but the others don't? Back to active envisioning I go! Mustn't forget those of my peers that I would like to share the RA duties with if I'm going to take the time to envision myself there. I should at least put myself with enjoyable company, yes?

Oh my. This may be the only Stanford affiliated program that I REALLY want to get into. And you know what... I'm afraid. Everything else that I've applied for, even Stanford, has been somewhat half-assed. It has been a continuous two years of "I'll apply, but I wouldn't be too bummed if I don't get in." While I would like to say I share the same mindset for this process, and I sort of do, the stakes are much higher!

Back to envisioning myself in Donner.

It's still nerve wrecking though. Except I think writing in this is calming me for the time being. The real struggle will be if i can get to sleep. No matter.

Ooo... who is this that I hear on my iPod? I don't know. It's a nice R&B song though.

Finally, what the FUCK am I going to do if I don't get a job? I didn't even consider what I would do in the event that I don't get a job interview. How silly of me to assume that I'll get in. See, this is where it gets interesting. Like mentioned in my 2nd point, I apply to things half-assed. But, a lot of the reason I apply to things half-assed is because I also assume that I will get in. I have all the credentials, I have the brains, I have it all, so there is no reason for Stanford to reject me from anything.

So this is what it is. I know I'll get an RA job. The question, rather, is "where?"

Well DONNER, of course! Not because I just got the job offer but because my gut is telling me that I will get Donner and that Donner is the place for me.

I'm glad I decided to post on this thing instead of study for my midterm. I'm finding it hard to concentrate. I think I'll do better if I study from 9 am - 11 am tomorrow, before the midterm. Plus, I've been paying attention in class and up to date on the reading, so I'm not so worried about knowing vocabulary or concepts. It's just that tests in general are a drag.

But back to the main event.

So I've JUST decided that I'm going to start something new. It's called "Feature of the Day" where I choose something that I find and post it for all to see, even though no one really reads this.

I searched the web for a photo of the day, and I failed... But since this is my first day, I'm going to give you a photo from my own collection and then even give you guys a video/person that I've come to look forward to every Monday.

But first, the photo.

Ahhh, the Christ Statue. I miss this place. I miss this place a lot.

And to semi-conclude this post, a video.

I have turned into a very, very big fan of this young artist who goes by the name of Kina Grannis. A nice Hapa girl from SoCal with some great music and a seemingly great personality. Definitely worth checking out each week.

Well, I'm off to take one last look at my notes, read something intelligent, and then try hella hard to go to sleep.

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Peace.

C:)

I Need New Friends

2008-04-27T23:57:00.001-07:00

i need new friends.

C:)

Stanford vs. Harvard

2008-04-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

It hadn't occurred to me until quite recently that many of my friends were probably choosing between Harvard and Stanford way back when, when I was choosing between USC's School of Drama and Stanford. What kind of random decision is that?

There was a little boy (and when I say 'little,' I mean 'young,' because no one is 'little' compared to me) in PWR today who was from Somewhere, North Virginia and deciding between Harvard and Stanford. Honest, I think he should go to Harvard. He didn't have the Stanford vibe. He should go to Harvard.

What an odd choice to have to make, Stanford versus Harvard. They're so different. I don't think they're even academically the same. Yes, they're both very academic, very 'smart,' and such. I don't know. I just don't feel that they're schools that can be compared. And now I have three girls in rehearsal with me who are, no doubt, deciding between Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Brown, Upenn, and EVERYTHING!

Choices.

Northwestern B.F.A versus Stanford Drama Major. OH My.

C:)

Faking Spirituality

2008-04-23T20:58:00.000-07:00

I am not a spiritual person. I didn't grow up with a strong feeling toward spirituality or religion, and thus grew up for most of my life not believing in much and more importantly, not really caring.

Recently, however, in my growth and push to become someone more and to find myself, I've found that I'm compelled by this idea of spirituality. What does it mean to be spiritual? What does it mean to have a strong belief in something or someone?

I have just begun to scratch the surface of what we call spirituality.

What is caught under my nails is limited to an introduction to Deepak Chopra, some discussion about William Tiller, and a crash course through Eat, Pray, Love. But in truth, the only thing I've read is the last book. Shame.

That said, where does this leave me with spirituality?

I don't know. I meditate. I know that. What do I think of when I meditate? I meditate on my breathing, on centering myself, and feeling the warmth around me. That doesn't mean anything though; I don't have the same conviction and discipline that many people do. Other serious meditators might think I 'meditate' to mock. That isn't my intention at all.

I'm hoping that my children will be raised otherwise, though. They don't have to grow up idoling Buddha or believe in Jesus. I just want them to have knowledge.

Maybe we'll meditate together.

Wouldn't that be cute?

i promise to expand on this post later, when I'm not in a deep conversation (hardly) with friends or trying not to smile and laugh during rehearsals.

C:)

Declared!

2008-04-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

Can we all take a moment to fully enjoy this moment with me.

I am now a declared Communication Major.

I think that just adds more reason for me to have things such as this blog.

It's all about communication, virtual reality, and perception.

Welcome to the year 2008, I guess.

I remember in 2000, thinking about what life might be like in 2008.

Well I guess here's my answer.

Declaring is such a joke within my department. I declare online, and then visit the department to do some random paperwork that basically talks about about ID number, and the courses I've taken, and then I'm done. Whereas, in the history department, I've heard rumors revolving around essay writing and the HumBio declaring process, not even worth getting into, I think.

That said, I am now an official member of the Comm department. This means, that they can google me, yahoo me, do whatever the heck they would like online, and it may very well lead to this website. Oh my.

C:)

Flushing out Negative Energy

2008-04-21T15:46:00.000-07:00

My first post in April! Excellent.

The word "blog" kept being thrown around in class today, and I had this sudden urge to blog, naturally. A self identified blogger since the age of 13? It would only be natural and normal for me to answer the call to blog.

That said...

yes, the title of this post is "Flushing Out Negative Energy"

That's what I've been working on of late.

Flushing out negative energy takes many forms. Let's take a superficial, yet very easy example - Facebook.

When people "friend" you on Facebook, I feel that we are all compelled accept the friendship regardless of how much time we've actually spent with this person. I know in the beginning of my Facebook days, and this is before all those applications began springing up and you could graffiti someone's website or play scrabble with each others, I 'friended' and accepted friendship regardless of how much I knew the person. Now looking back, it only makes me feel incredibly silly.

So this is what I've been working on.

Whenever I stumble upon my friends list on Facebook, and I see someone that I either a.) Don't know very well b.) never talk to c.) have negative memories with d.) feel lousy after interacting with their virtual representation or real tangible being or e.) just don't plain like, I "remove" them from my friends. It's as easy as that.

This way, news-feed won't display their name whenever he or she does something.

Yes, Facebook is a great way to keep in touch. That said, however, if I don't ever interact with them anyways, do I really need to see their daily musings on Facebook? I don't think so.

And yes, many might argue, it's only Facebook. Does it really matter if you're friends with these people or not?

Well, simple answer, yes.

If their name, their picture, their posts, essentially ANYTHING about them has some sort of negative influence on me in any sort of way, they are not going to contribute to the positive growing that I am in the process of doing. Thus, if you aren't positive fuel in my journey to better understand myself and to become a better person, then it's simple - bye.

Other ways to get rid of negative energy:
- take down photos of people you don't necessarily feel a strong positive personal attachment to.
- don't discuss issues that won't mentally fuel or progress you - aka. don't gossip.
- delete those people from your AIM list that you don't talk to or always try to do your best to get out of the conversation with.

It's as easy as that.

until next time.

C:)

Milton Nascimento e Seu Jorge

2008-03-27T20:46:00.000-07:00

... are gods.

well no.

well yes.

they are both.

They are amazing, they are wonderful, they are musicians of another planet.

C:)

Lagoa

2008-03-26T16:28:00.000-07:00

Lights reflect a shimmering surface as the hill further off sparkles like it is on fire.

In truth, I look over Lagoa in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil, where the sparkling kindling is not for fire, but the lights of the favela, also known as the Brasilian slums.

First world and Third world clash, when really, the country is only known for its third. Beautiful beaches, beautiful people, and a beautiful language coupled with dirt and metal shacks that welcome you as you drive from the airport into the heart of Rio. What a place.

Cars whiz pass, again, using the lanes only as mere suggestions. Couples walk and runners jog around Lagoa beautifully lit around it circumference. The lights reflect off of the lake like spotlights in a laser show and looking at this view, it is hard to believe that this country is anything but paradise.

Voices from inside startle. Voices from outside suggest tranquility.

I don't mean to be poetic. I think I actually do a horrible job of it.

Oh, mosquitos. I forgot that those things exist. Mosquitos with Dengue? Even better. But I have yet to encounter one and i have et to be bitten by one, so perhaps for now, I'll be okay.

I wish I could accurately describe this view. It's impossible. It is beautiful. And if i woke up and went to sleep looking at this view every single day as I grew up, I think I would've grown up to be a very different person. Very different.

C:)

Guaraná, Acai, Matte, e Brasil.

2008-03-25T11:44:00.000-07:00

Bom Dia. Bom noite? Boa noite? Boa sorte for sure.

What an interesting country.

It looks like Hawaii, feels like Japan, and the people remind me of Spaniards. My mind is on overload and when B asks me a question, all I can do is sit there and stare at him blankly. It makes for a great dynamic.

The air is so humid that I feel that i could drink the air when i was thirsty. Exaggeration? Perhaps, but not a completely inaccurate one. Life here is lazy. You couldn't tell that by watching the cars whizzing below. There was a cary that switched lanes in between two other cars that didn't originally give it space to cross lanes. I don't think they know how to drive between lanes here, either. It's kind of like... "get out of my way, and i you don't, it's your own fault." It is as if the lanes are a suggestion rather than a law, and the people here are not big on taking suggestions.

The living room is spiritual white, as I might call it, clean and uncluttered. Very different from the other expat house that I'm used to where everything was country style and overly ethnic. No, this one is clean, simple, earth toned, and very calming. I feel that it's a reflection of the state of mind of the mother. This mother is less... "scrapbooky" and more "chillaxed in a spiritual way," though she seems to have her crazy moments if given the opportunity.

I don't even think I should be making comparisons, but here, I suppose i'm free to to do whatever I want.

So the clouds and the fog has rolled in, but now it's not rolling out. Unlike Terry might think in LA, this is actual fog, not smog like down south. This fog won't kill you, where as his fog would.

Its green and tropical here but in a unapologetic way. It compliments the spiritual white that I named the living room. It all works. I think my mother often tries, but it doesn't quite fit together the way she might want it to.

I had no expectation for sun here, so even if it is cloudy, it doesn't bug me much. It kind of adds to the beauty and idea of "amazon." I'll take it as it comes. I don't even think it's that's chilly. Chilly would be having to wear a sweatshirt or a sweater over my clothes, but sitting in a tank top watching fog and rain is not chilly, it's just the Amazon.

Uneventful day, I suppose, but very relaxing.

I may like this country and it's multitude of fruits and such.

I may like this language as well.

We'll see, eh?

bom noite. or maybe it was boa noite.

in any case.

C:)

Bucket List

2008-03-20T13:21:00.000-07:00

The Bucket List:

- publish something
- learn to speak French
- learn to speak Portuguese
- visit India
- travel around South East Asia
- learn to play the Drums
- get my nose pierced
- paint a mural
- visit South Africa
- visit Switzerland
- swim by a large waterfall
- go to the Maldives
- be in the New York Times

to be continued...

C:)

Clearing the Mind and Heart

2008-03-06T23:12:00.000-08:00

Homuncular... That's a chart often used by brain people.

It shows how sensitive each "part" of your body is. According to Scientific American Mind , that is why we enjoy kissing. According to the Homuncular chart, our face, or more importantly, our lips, have the most nerves.

It's like, "hello, let's make out, and exercise our most sensitive body part!"

Haha...

But on to the topic of my title.

I've decided that I need to figure out a way to clear my mind and heart when certain emotions or thoughts begin to arise. Right now, I think the best way I can do it is by meditating on it. I generally like to clear my head and steady my heart beat to a really slow beat so that I can put my body to a complete rest. I feel that if I meditate on clearing my mind, there will be a certain thinking that has to occur to make it happen. I suppose I'll just have to understand that as a given.

Maybe by practicing and honing down the skill of "clearing" my head and heart, I'll be able to do it when I'm not in a meditative state.

That is what I'm going to work on this weekend.

I realized that my thoughts and emotions are determined too easily by this one constant in my life. While I like that constant, I also want to be able to be independent from it.

To be independent from it, unfortunately, doesn't mean to simply be physically distant from that constant. It means that I have to be able to free myself from any emotional and mental attachments or connections that I might have with my constant.

So this is my goal this weekend.

I will clear my mind and my heart. I will work toward clearing my mind and my heart.

And in the process, I'll also stop by that spiritual store that I liked so much.

That's exciting.

What is he talking about? I am excited. I just don't show it because for some reason you make me less excited.

I am excited.

Very.

C:)

Homuncular Flexibility

2008-03-03T11:27:00.000-08:00

Apparently this website doesn't acknowledge "homuncular" and an actual word. What the computer doesn't know is that it is a word, because that's exactly what is being discussed right now.

Homuncular Flexibility - Jaron Lanier, pioneer of virtual reality.

Why study virtual reality?

You know, I'm not sure. But I think the best response could be that, that's where life is taking us. Anything related to technology is slowly moving in that direction, so it only makes sense to study. If our entertainment industry (e.g. Shrek, WOW, Second Life) is going in that direction, and that's where the money is (and not to say that our lives are revolved around money, though in our Capitalist society that is Western Culture, it's a fair assessment), then it only makes sense to study this.

And I say this as my professor twists his arm back and forth, round and round, to describe the relevancy of our movements in relation to variability of movement.

Or something like that...

There are those of us who feel bad when we don't pay full attention in class, via, let's say, surfing the internet during class. We are not fully engaged in the conversation, and probably aren't getting much out of the 50,000 dollars that you pay for class. That said, however, compare not being fully engaged in class due to a distraction versus not paying attention whatsoever because you've fallen asleep. Now that is just as bad, I feel.

At least, if I'm on my computer, I'm paying attention because I'm awake, so if the image in front of me changes, or the voice of this little, well dressed (kind of) guest lecturer changes, I'll notice it, and give him and the lecture the attention it deserves.

If you fall asleep though... well then that's just out right rude, because the lecturer knows for a fact that you're not paying attention, and furthermore, may make the false conclusions (maybe) that we are disinterested and thus would rather be asleep than be engaged in his presence. Whatever the case may be, falling asleep during lecture, in a small lecture room, where everyone can see you asleep, that is breaking the rules of lecture etiquette 101.

So apparently, my tongue does not have as many degrees of freedom as many people do. I can't do all those cool things with your tongue that many people can.

Ugh. That said...

That said...

He (professor that will remain unnamed as he is a prominent member of the virtual reality and HCI world and could very well google his own name and land upon my blog...) ended lecture early and abruptly for reasons, I think I accurately assume, mentioned above. I think too many people were falling asleep. Hey! The weather's gotten better, it's warm in the lecture, and the lights are off so that we can all mindlessly copy down bullet points from the great invention that is PowerPoint. Why shan't we fall asleep?

"Now Blogger saves your drafts automatically!"

Thank you blogspot.

now good bye.

peace

C:)

let's begin...

2008-03-01T16:32:00.000-08:00

After discovering this idea of "blogging" nine years ago, I question why it is that I'm starting one again... I think I'm drawn to this idea of "published thoughts," when really very few people will see this. Nonetheless, this is one of those "spur of the moment, i have nothing better to do" things.

I sit in the corner of a theater, like I have been doing for sometime, seriously contemplating, for once in my life, what I want to do for the next few months with the opportunities presented in front of me.

Looking back, I don't really know why I began blogging. At one point, and perhaps quite recently, I realized that I had been blogging for quite a long time. I haven't, however, "published" anything for a while. Perhaps this will be a good mental exercise.

I have yet to figure out what I want to shape this blog to be. It may just be the daily ramblings of my life. It may also be a platform for opinions and ideas that I usually don't share... Like politics, the news, drama that has been circling around me. I don't share much, even to the people I love, and yet I find it perfectly reasonable to say exactly how I feel and what I feel to perfectly good strangers that may stumble upon this blog.

It's a mystery that comes with modern technology. I mean, even as I type, this website is "autosave-ing" everything that I type. It realizes that technology cannot be trusted, and thus makes it appear as though it cares about what you write, and wants to save it for you so you don't ever lose it.

I just hope that my blogging here does not stop me from my other writing that I have been doing.

So perhaps I should clearly define now as to what I want to use this for.

I think this will be a canvas for my opinions -- opinions that I may not write in my journal, but want to share with someone (that would mean you, anonymous reader), and perhaps I can present it with a bit of umph, gusto, and humor.

Yes, that sounds like an excellent idea.

So for now, I leave you with this opening post of random thoughts about nothing, and leave you with an adieu.

Please come back, and hopefully the next time, I'll have something more interesting to say.

Peace

C:)