One Night of Insomnia

Folks, the next 9 hours is crucial for me.



in 9 hours, the rest (well, the last two years) of my college career will be determined. How can this be so, you ask? Quite simple comrades - RA Job Offers.



It makes one wonder, what in the world would make a person invest a month of their life so that the following school year, they can be subject to 3 am "I'm locked out of my room" calls or have to do silly cheers for a week to 100 hypothetically enthused (and definitely by the end, unenthused) hoity toity teenagers who believe that they're better than the rest of the world because they start school a month later than everyone else in this great institution we call Stanford. (phew, that was a long one)



Well friends, that 'person' who would put their life on hold and even their friendships in jeopardy, that would be me.



First of all, I will get into Donner. At this point, the only way I feel that I'm going to get in is to envision myself there. The power of awareness is a very powerful power. We must embrace it and practice it, always. And so for the past month I have been actively envisioning myself as a Donner or Larkin RA.



Second, what if I get into Donner, but the others don't? Back to active envisioning I go! Mustn't forget those of my peers that I would like to share the RA duties with if I'm going to take the time to envision myself there. I should at least put myself with enjoyable company, yes?



Oh my. This may be the only Stanford affiliated program that I REALLY want to get into. And you know what... I'm afraid. Everything else that I've applied for, even Stanford, has been somewhat half-assed. It has been a continuous two years of "I'll apply, but I wouldn't be too bummed if I don't get in." While I would like to say I share the same mindset for this process, and I sort of do, the stakes are much higher!



Back to envisioning myself in Donner.



It's still nerve wrecking though. Except I think writing in this is calming me for the time being. The real struggle will be if i can get to sleep. No matter.



Ooo... who is this that I hear on my iPod? I don't know. It's a nice R&B song though.



Finally, what the FUCK am I going to do if I don't get a job? I didn't even consider what I would do in the event that I don't get a job interview. How silly of me to assume that I'll get in. See, this is where it gets interesting. Like mentioned in my 2nd point, I apply to things half-assed. But, a lot of the reason I apply to things half-assed is because I also assume that I will get in. I have all the credentials, I have the brains, I have it all, so there is no reason for Stanford to reject me from anything.



So this is what it is. I know I'll get an RA job. The question, rather, is "where?"



Well DONNER, of course! Not because I just got the job offer but because my gut is telling me that I will get Donner and that Donner is the place for me.



I'm glad I decided to post on this thing instead of study for my midterm. I'm finding it hard to concentrate. I think I'll do better if I study from 9 am - 11 am tomorrow, before the midterm. Plus, I've been paying attention in class and up to date on the reading, so I'm not so worried about knowing vocabulary or concepts. It's just that tests in general are a drag.



But back to the main event.



So I've JUST decided that I'm going to start something new. It's called "Feature of the Day" where I choose something that I find and post it for all to see, even though no one really reads this.



I searched the web for a photo of the day, and I failed... But since this is my first day, I'm going to give you a photo from my own collection and then even give you guys a video/person that I've come to look forward to every Monday.



But first, the photo.







Ahhh, the Christ Statue. I miss this place. I miss this place a lot.



And to semi-conclude this post, a video.







I have turned into a very, very big fan of this young artist who goes by the name of Kina Grannis. A nice Hapa girl from SoCal with some great music and a seemingly great personality. Definitely worth checking out each week.



Well, I'm off to take one last look at my notes, read something intelligent, and then try hella hard to go to sleep.



We'll see how tomorrow goes.



Peace.



C:)

I Need New Friends

i need new friends.

C:)

Stanford vs. Harvard

It hadn't occurred to me until quite recently that many of my friends were probably choosing between Harvard and Stanford way back when, when I was choosing between USC's School of Drama and Stanford. What kind of random decision is that?

There was a little boy (and when I say 'little,' I mean 'young,' because no one is 'little' compared to me) in PWR today who was from Somewhere, North Virginia and deciding between Harvard and Stanford. Honest, I think he should go to Harvard. He didn't have the Stanford vibe. He should go to Harvard.

What an odd choice to have to make, Stanford versus Harvard. They're so different. I don't think they're even academically the same. Yes, they're both very academic, very 'smart,' and such. I don't know. I just don't feel that they're schools that can be compared. And now I have three girls in rehearsal with me who are, no doubt, deciding between Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Brown, Upenn, and EVERYTHING!

Choices.

Northwestern B.F.A versus Stanford Drama Major. OH My.

C:)

Faking Spirituality

I am not a spiritual person. I didn't grow up with a strong feeling toward spirituality or religion, and thus grew up for most of my life not believing in much and more importantly, not really caring.

Recently, however, in my growth and push to become someone more and to find myself, I've found that I'm compelled by this idea of spirituality. What does it mean to be spiritual? What does it mean to have a strong belief in something or someone?

I have just begun to scratch the surface of what we call spirituality.

What is caught under my nails is limited to an introduction to Deepak Chopra, some discussion about William Tiller, and a crash course through Eat, Pray, Love. But in truth, the only thing I've read is the last book. Shame.

That said, where does this leave me with spirituality?

I don't know. I meditate. I know that. What do I think of when I meditate? I meditate on my breathing, on centering myself, and feeling the warmth around me. That doesn't mean anything though; I don't have the same conviction and discipline that many people do. Other serious meditators might think I 'meditate' to mock. That isn't my intention at all.

I'm hoping that my children will be raised otherwise, though. They don't have to grow up idoling Buddha or believe in Jesus. I just want them to have knowledge.

Maybe we'll meditate together.

Wouldn't that be cute?

i promise to expand on this post later, when I'm not in a deep conversation (hardly) with friends or trying not to smile and laugh during rehearsals.

C:)

Declared!

Can we all take a moment to fully enjoy this moment with me.

I am now a declared Communication Major.

I think that just adds more reason for me to have things such as this blog.

It's all about communication, virtual reality, and perception.

Welcome to the year 2008, I guess.

I remember in 2000, thinking about what life might be like in 2008.

Well I guess here's my answer.

Declaring is such a joke within my department. I declare online, and then visit the department to do some random paperwork that basically talks about about ID number, and the courses I've taken, and then I'm done. Whereas, in the history department, I've heard rumors revolving around essay writing and the HumBio declaring process, not even worth getting into, I think.

That said, I am now an official member of the Comm department. This means, that they can google me, yahoo me, do whatever the heck they would like online, and it may very well lead to this website. Oh my.

C:)

Flushing out Negative Energy

My first post in April! Excellent.

The word "blog" kept being thrown around in class today, and I had this sudden urge to blog, naturally. A self identified blogger since the age of 13? It would only be natural and normal for me to answer the call to blog.

That said...

yes, the title of this post is "Flushing Out Negative Energy"

That's what I've been working on of late.

Flushing out negative energy takes many forms. Let's take a superficial, yet very easy example - Facebook.

When people "friend" you on Facebook, I feel that we are all compelled accept the friendship regardless of how much time we've actually spent with this person. I know in the beginning of my Facebook days, and this is before all those applications began springing up and you could graffiti someone's website or play scrabble with each others, I 'friended' and accepted friendship regardless of how much I knew the person. Now looking back, it only makes me feel incredibly silly.

So this is what I've been working on.

Whenever I stumble upon my friends list on Facebook, and I see someone that I either a.) Don't know very well b.) never talk to c.) have negative memories with d.) feel lousy after interacting with their virtual representation or real tangible being or e.) just don't plain like, I "remove" them from my friends. It's as easy as that.

This way, news-feed won't display their name whenever he or she does something.

Yes, Facebook is a great way to keep in touch. That said, however, if I don't ever interact with them anyways, do I really need to see their daily musings on Facebook? I don't think so.

And yes, many might argue, it's only Facebook. Does it really matter if you're friends with these people or not?

Well, simple answer, yes.

If their name, their picture, their posts, essentially ANYTHING about them has some sort of negative influence on me in any sort of way, they are not going to contribute to the positive growing that I am in the process of doing. Thus, if you aren't positive fuel in my journey to better understand myself and to become a better person, then it's simple - bye.

Other ways to get rid of negative energy:
- take down photos of people you don't necessarily feel a strong positive personal attachment to.
- don't discuss issues that won't mentally fuel or progress you - aka. don't gossip.
- delete those people from your AIM list that you don't talk to or always try to do your best to get out of the conversation with.

It's as easy as that.

until next time.

C:)